Colman Noctor: Teaching children to choose kindness in a 'me first' world

If we want a society that bands together, we need to teach children to help others so that when they grow up they will know they are not alone, and that no one else should be either, writes Dr Colman Noctor

Taking part in organised voluntary work gives children a first-hand experience of giving back — like joining a beach clean-up, above, or collecting for a local food bank. They are not just acts of kindness — they are ways to build identity. Picture: iStock

I WORRY that kindness has shifted from being an instinct to a conscious decision. This change may be because children now grow up in a culture that prioritises personal success, happiness, and achievement. While phrases like ‘put yourself first’, ‘follow your dreams’, and ‘protect your boundaries’ are all well-meaning, they are seldom balanced with simple, time-tested wisdom, such as ‘we all need each other’.

We are experiencing a process of societal individualisation, in which our collective focus has shifted from ‘we’ to ‘me’. Over the past decade or so, I have noticed how childhood has become increasingly centred on competition, achievement, and personal identity. Sport involves winning, school is about grades, and activities focus on performance.