Julie Jay: Declaring you have ‘no Nannies’ is not the flex celebrities think it is 

Celebrities might love to tell us that they do it all on their own, but the reality is nobody can do parenting without help

Julie Jay: "While I can understand not wanting to outsource childcare to a non-family member, relying solely on the goodness of grandparents is just not possible for the majority of us." Picture: iStock.

If you have been following celebrity news this last year, you might be aware of the controversy surrounding the screen adaptation of Coleen Hoover’s mega-hit It Ends With Us.

The primary stars, Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni, have been embroiled in legal disputes since the film wrapped, accusing one another of egregious behaviour and pretty much guaranteeing it really did end with them (so far, there has unsurprisingly been no word on adapting Hoover’s sequel It Starts With Us).

While half following the recent Lively-Baldoni lawsuit odyssey, there was one nugget of information that I couldn’t help but feel a little miffed by.

On more than one occasion, it has been reported that Lively and her husband Ryan Reynolds don’t have nannies for their four children, instead choosing to rely on the support of family, specifically Lively’s parents.

I can’t help but feel sometimes that not having a nanny is somehow equated to being a better mother, which, as anyone who has seen Mary Poppins will tell you, is absolutely supercalifragilisticexpialidocious levels of codswollop.

The thing is, few can do it alone. Working as a parent is only made possible with help, and while I can understand not wanting to outsource childcare to a non-family member, relying solely on the goodness of grandparents is just not possible for the majority of us.

Much like those who shout from their rooftops about their “natural” birth and how they didn’t avail of the epidural, I sometimes wonder what show-boating about not having paid help is all about. It can almost feel competitive at times, as people remind you how they have made it work, with a lot of juggling, minus a childcare plan.

Of course, when it comes to celebrities, part of their “no nannies need apply” shtick is probably to portray themselves as one of the people, a parent who is forced to juggle like the rest of us, but there’s a subtext too, which just doesn’t sit right with me. The subtext being that to avail of paid help, you are somehow doing your kids a disservice.

The truth is, my childminder has, in many ways, been my biggest support. She has also taught me so much about being a parent. For that reason, I can’t imagine having done this parenting thing without her. Every now and again, I wake up in a cold sweat, having had a nightmare in which she has found her calling as an artist and decided to quit childminding for watercolours.

For most of us who had kids at a later age, we don’t have the same number of sprightly family members at our disposal as we might have had if we’d chosen to have kids with the part-time DJ and full-time lothario we partnered up with in college.

Truth be told, even if I did have a plethora of spry grandparents at my disposal, I don’t love the idea of getting them down and dirty in the nappy-changing trenches. They’ve done their bit when it comes to acid reflux. Though I have had to ask my mom for help with the kids on more occasions than I’d like to admit, I couldn’t see myself over-relying on her for support, even if she lived next door.

I have friends who have relied solely on their parents for childcare over the years, and I am absolutely not judging their choice, because everyone’s situation is different. However, whether you are paying somebody or not, it is all but impossible to do it alone.

“How did they do it back in the day with 12 kids?” I mused to a friend the other day, who reminded me that they did it because they had to, but also that her granny had once told her that her older girls would always look after the latest arrival, so in that way, there was always a helping hand.

No doubt the older girls would have their own view on having to take on adult responsibilities before they’d reached confirmation age, but I can see where granny was coming from on the “live-in babysitter model”. 

Obviously, there were major downsides to rearing a football team in a two-up, two-down, not least the lack of reproductive autonomy. I’m pretty sure the Catholic Church’s doctrine of “let Jesus take the wheel” was less than effective as contraceptive methods go.

While having a live-in babysitter does sound appealing, it wouldn’t totally sell me on having a dozen children. Still, I think a potential au pair might be preferable to having 10 more babies. I’ve heard the horror stories of husbands running off with the live-in nanny, but truth be told, infidelity is a small price to pay for childcare.

On that note, applications are open.