Why you should think twice before posting photos and videos of kids on social media

It’s natural to take pictures of highlights in your child’s life, but think twice before sharing them on social media

'Sharenting' raises concerns about children’s safety and privacy. Last year, France adopted the children’s image-rights law to tackle risks associated with sharenting. This law reminded parents that ‘children have the right to privacy and the right to their image, because photos and videos are personal data.

First Communions, pre-school and primary ‘graduations’, and holidays all present photographable moments. The opportunities are practically daily at this time of year, and parents everywhere will be reaching for their device to post online photos or videos of their children.

‘Sharenting’ is the term for parents sharing stories, images, and videos about their children’s lives online. An amalgam of ‘parent’ and ‘share’, it is driven by a range of motivations, including a wish to collect and curate memories, to stay connected with family and friends, to get affirmation and support, or exchange advice about parenting challenges, as well as ‘impression-management or presenting oneself as a good parent’.

Parents typically share four types of photos: important milestones; with family and friends; funny ones; and cute ones. Or they post mainly ‘pictures of happy moments’, including of daily life, outings, special occasions, as well as joint social activities. Some parents divulge more serious and sensitive information about their children online, including health and educational issues.

Sharenting is understandable, says psychotherapist Bethan O’Riordan. “It’s really natural: ‘Look at me, look at my child’. You want people in your world to celebrate with you.”

Counselling psychologist Niamh Delmar says social media reflects people’s identities and lifestyles, and that sharenting has an emotional and social-status aspect.

“Parents want to include a wide range of family and friends in their children’s celebrations and milestones. They want to keep others up to date and connected with their children’s lives, especially if living far away.”

But sharenting raises concerns about children’s safety and privacy. Last year, France adopted the children’s image-rights law to tackle risks associated with sharenting. This law reminded parents that ‘children have the right to privacy and the right to their image, because photos and videos are personal data.

A 2022 study from the University of Oslo, Technological University Dublin, and HansBredowInstitut (Germany) used data from the EU Kids Online survey, featuring children aged nine to 17 and parents.

Psychotherapist Bethan O’Riordan: “When we share online about our children, it’s almost like putting your best foot forward: The best of their sporting achievements, the best of the best.

The study found that more than half of parents shared photos or videos of their child, but the vast majority of them did so seldom. A little less than 20% are ‘frequent sharers’, blogging or posting photos or videos of their child monthly or more often — mostly they shared between one and 10 items in that period.

The researchers found that 24% of parents aged 40 or under were frequent sharers, compared with 12% in older age groups. A paradoxical finding was that parents who worry a lot about their children’s privacy are 26% more likely to share information about their children than parents who do not have these concerns.

The researchers said: “Overall, our findings suggest parents are aware of the risks involved in revealing personal information on the internet. However, either the benefits of sharenting outweigh the potential risks, or they feel they can manage these risks.”

Best foot forward

Sharenting brings up other issues, too. O’Riordan says that when they ‘sharent’, parents need to be careful about what they are teaching their children.

“When we share online about our children, it’s almost like putting your best foot forward: The best of their sporting achievements, the best of the best.

“What does this teach children about failure, if we’re always putting the best up there? It’s a misaligned version of life.

“A lot of children who play sport will post on Snapchat, ‘What I scored today’. Of course, it’s OK to celebrate your wins, but not that you only get validation from what other people online are telling you. Because if we’re always looking for external validation, we’re really moving away from that quiet, inner sense of self.”

Posting online snapshots of your child’s life might be almost a reflex, but what message are you conveying about privacy and boundaries?

“If you’re posting a picture of your child openly online and you don’t know who all your followers are, you’re putting your child out there. And, as humans, what do we do? We judge and comment on how people look, which is detrimental to children’s wellbeing.”

Psychotherapist Bethan O’Riordan: “So often, children see parents behind a screen, filming, recording. This is not being present. A child could be doing something really lovely and we say, ‘Oh, do that again, I’ll take a picture’.

O’Riordan recommends parents pause before posting and ask, ‘Whose needs are being served by putting up an image or video?’ “There may be an emotional gain for the parent. We’re quite vulnerable to worry and to comparing ourselves to others — social media has put a rocket under this. But there’s the finest of lines, the most delicate of balances to be struck between your need and the need of your child.

“Ask what are you looking for in return [for this post] — is it that you want people to like you? Are you looking for praise, or are you putting it up to celebrate? Do you want people to say nice things, respond with a love-heart emoji or thumbs-up? Does this give you a confidence boost, and, if so, could you get that boost some other way?”

O’Riordan points to the conflict between ‘capturing the moment’ and ‘being present in the moment’ and says parents being truly present is essential for children’s healthy emotional development. “So often, children see parents behind a screen, filming, recording. This is not being present. A child could be doing something really lovely and we say, ‘Oh, do that again, I’ll take a picture’.

“I’ve done it and I’ve thought, ‘What am I doing? This is crazy.’ And we’re all very susceptible to it.”

Delmar says a digital footprint is permanent. She also points to issues of consent and healthy boundaries. “Images or videos could be embarrassing to children later on in life. Excessively taking photos can be intrusive and take away from enjoying the experience; there’s too much pressure on children to smile and pose.”

She urges putting down the phone more and just enjoying the shared experiences as they arise. “With older children, get their informed consent, and be mindful of what you’re sharing.

“Think about how they might feel about it in later years. Review privacy settings and lock down social media accounts.”

Privacy tips

The ISPCC has the following tips:

• Familiarise yourself with the privacy settings of each social media platform;
• Be selective about what you post. Ask yourself, ‘Would this post or photo cause your child embarrassment later on?’;
• Be aware that photos you share online can be modified or shared. Be wary of sharing photos of your child in a bedroom or bathroom setting. Don’t share photos of your child in any state of undress;
• Consider sending photos of your child to friends or family via email or another messaging service, such as WhatsApp;
• Give your child veto power over your posts, including images, quotes, and accomplishments. Talk to other family members about sharing photos of your child on their own profiles;
• Don’t share your location, especially the location of your home or your child’s school;
• Don’t mention your child’s name on any parenting website or any public forum, especially when seeking advice about behaviour;
• Don’t use your child for any profile photos on social media platforms as these are public-facing — anyone can see them;
• Don’t post pictures of other people’s children without permission.

O’Riordan says that sharing pictures online of your children “can be a really nice thing to do”, depending on how open or closed your audience is.

“I have 52 friends on Instagram, in my personal account, whom I know and trust. I don’t have every mum at the school gate or who I’ve met in the gym, so I like sharing ‘OMG, I’m in Paris with my daughter’ with people I know.

“Parents love sharing pictures of heir children. Why not? All the hard work that goes in to parenting, of course, you want to celebrate this wonderful human being.

“But you need to do it in a really safe way for everybody.”

• Bethan O’Riordan’s app, The Calm Parenting Community helps parents seeking answers about their children’s behaviours, mental health, and emotions