Making memories on baby’s first Christmas
Pictured are Larissa O'Brien, with 7-month-old baby Seán, and her husband, Conor, in Waterford city. Photograph: Patrick Browne
Larissa O’Brien was born on December 25.
“I was a Christmas baby and definitely a gift for my mom,” says the 31-year-old Brazilian native who is married to Conor.
For the Waterford-based logistics coordinator, who works for a trading company, this Christmas marks a double celebration – her first as a mother, and her seven-month-old baby Sean’s first visit from Santa.
“I always looked at Christmas as my birthday. Not anymore. Everything is about Seán now. Christmas is all about him. All the magic is about him. It’s the biggest gift I will ever get in my life, to become a mum.”
In Ballinabranna, Co Carlow, Aisling Heaton and her partner, Kallum Watts, have just brought home their twin baby boys, born prematurely in early October in the Coombe. Going into labour unexpectedly with ten weeks to go to her due date, Aisling, 23, says: “You want to feel excited having your babies. I just didn’t feel like that. I was full of worry – were they going to be OK? I was scared to get attached, to think past the current day, the current hour we were in.”
Oliver and Alfie spent their first week in ICU before progressing to a high-dependency unit for a few days and from there to the special baby care unit. In the ICU, Aisling’s babies had CPAP (continuous positive airway pressure) respiratory support. “It was extremely difficult. I didn’t know what they looked like for the first week. With the CPAP on, you can’t see their faces so you’re trying to get to know your babies but you can’t see them.
“I started to get to know them in the high-dependency unit. And in the special care unit, they started to become more like babies, chubby and showing more personality.”
Getting their first-born babies home has been a long road – and getting them home in time for Christmas is very special, Aisling says. “I’ve always loved Christmas. Every single Christmas until I was 11, I asked for a baby doll and a buggy. I got my first baby doll and a little buggy when I was one and just learning to walk.
“Now my mam is saying to me: ‘You got your babies and the buggy for Christmas’. It means a lot. We’re all very excited, my mam, my dad. They’re the first babies born into our family in 13 years – they’re the first grandchildren. It’s really bringing us back to the ‘little children and Santa’. That magic that was there is now starting up again.”
For Larissa too, Christmas is all about family. “You can’t look at Christmas and not think of family,” she says, describing how she misses her family in Brazil at Christmas. “I miss my parents. Now I have made my own family here. I have my husband, my baby and my husband’s family, who are my new family.”
Dr Claire Crowe, senior paediatric clinical psychologist and member of the Psychological Society of Ireland, says the first Christmas with a baby is incredibly special. “For many parents, it’s been quite an epic and emotional journey to get to this point. [And] here you are with this fabulous tiny human and isn’t it a wonderful thing?”
But she also says this magical first Christmas won’t be every parent’s experience. “And that’s OK. Some will wonder why they don’t feel joyous – and that can compound their worry. Christmas time can trigger difficult memories, so it is important to be kind to you and your baby if you’re finding it hard. It doesn’t make you a bad parent – it just makes you human,” says Crowe.
She recommends starting by talking to your partner or another parent if the reality of what you are feeling isn’t fitting with the expectations you had.
Crowe says the first Christmas is a great time to set out boundaries and traditions that work for your family into the future. “For example, you might choose that only Santa brings presents to the baby. Gifts that have already been purchased could be put away until later in the year at a birthday or celebration when the person who gave the gift has come to visit,” she says.
As the child gets older the 'less is more' philosophy can teach them the value of enough. “When we hold back on excess, children learn to appreciate what they are given. You might also choose some Christmas traditions that you’d like for your new family, such as starting a Christmas story collection that you add to each year or visiting a special place with Christmas lights.”
For as long as she can remember Aisling Heaton’s family has always gone to her grandmother's house on Christmas Eve. “We’ll keep to what we’ve always done – everyone opens one present in my nana’s house, something to play with on Christmas Eve that helps with trying to sleep. It’s a tradition I’ll continue with my babies.”
And there’s another cherished tradition she’ll keep too. “I have a little reindeer teddy my mam used to say came to life at Christmas and went around Ireland with Santa. So every Christmas morning my reindeer wouldn’t be beside me in bed – he’d be down in the sitting room where all the presents were, a half-eaten carrot next to him. Then he’d go back to being my teddy for another year. I’ll keep that one going – it just adds to the wow factor of Christmas.”
Santa is all set to come to Seán in Waterford too. “In Brazil, we don’t have the tradition of loads of presents. Usually a child gets something they will need during the year. With Seán we’ll do a little of both – something he really needs and something for his stocking. And his grandparents will have a few bits for him too.
“When I was a child in Brazil, we always donated a toy. If I got three presents, I’d select one to give to a family we knew didn’t have much. I intend to do that with Seán – pick something to give back because Christmas is all about sharing,” says Larissa.
She loves Christmas here – and the way it echoes what she saw depicted in movies growing up.
“Christmas at home is very different. It’s very warm. The idea of Christmas in winter, in the cold, with the fire on and Santa coming in the night – I love that and I’m looking forward to it being part of Seán’s life.”
Whatever traditions you introduce, says Crowe, don’t forget to enjoy those “incredible moments of your baby tearing off wrapping, or seeing their eyes light up” as they wonder over the box and ignore the toy.
Take time, she urges, to soak up the privilege and joy of this little miracle. “A nice way to acknowledge it is to engage in a little ceremony where each person says what they are grateful for. You might each do it as you sit down to Christmas dinner so you can collectively celebrate this baby – or you might say the words privately to yourself.
“Living in the moment and really allowing yourself to feel happy – if that’s what you’re feeling – is so important because you only get one first Christmas.”
In Waterford, baby Seán is already getting into the spirit of his first Christmas. “Everything we do, we explain it to Seán,” says Larissa. “So we’ve been telling him: ‘We are coming close to Christmas, it is a magical time’."
While he's too young to understand the details, he's already experiencing the magic. Says Larissa: "And at the moment, he is just amazed at all the Christmas lights.”
CONNECT WITH US TODAY
Be the first to know the latest news and updates
