Joanna Fortune: My daughter and her kids are staying for two weeks but I'm worried about chaos

The parent-teenager relationship can be fraught and stressful, but remember, your daughter is now a grown woman with a family of her own.  Meet her as the adult she is and respond with the kindness and support you would have welcomed when you were parenting very young children. 

My daughter is coming home from the States for a two-week holiday with her baby and toddler. We're naturally delighted about the visit and the opportunity to spend time with our grandchildren but I'm worried about the chaos and noise. I had a tense relationship with my daughter during her teenage years and want to ensure the trip is a success.

When you say you are worried about the chaos and the noise, I'm curious about what underpins that worry. Is it that you won’t cope with the typical chaos and noise young children bring or that your home has too many risk factors and isn't child-ready? 

Chaos is part of the glorious world of young children and is unavoidable. But there are ways to help you enjoy the chaos and not become stressed by it. It will help to see structure as your friend. Keep the structure flexible and adaptable and avoid rules and rigidity.

Consider making and hanging up a 'welcome home' banner to celebrate their arrival. 

Explore ways to clear space in a sitting room for the children to play and lay down a rug or mat in this area to mark it as a dedicated space for them and their toys. Given your daughter is travelling a distance with limited room to pack toys and books, you could borrow some children’s (board) books from the library to have them to hand when the family arrives and try to get a set of building blocks.

Joanna Fortune , child psychotherapist and author. Photograph: Moya Nolan

If precious items in your home are likely to be damaged, remove them during the visit to alleviate this pressure on everyone. 

Plan some low-key activities and outings while holding in mind that young children tire quickly and need naps. Look for something accessible and a short drive away, like a garden centre with a play area, a forest with a walking trail, or somewhere to sit with a picnic. Remember, you can make a picnic to eat in your garden with a toddler and they will be thrilled at this.

Offer to spend time with the children and give your daughter a break. Also, consider booking a lunch or afternoon tea for two so you can both enjoy child-free time. 

These small acts will clearly show how excited you are to have your daughter and grandchildren stay with you.

The parent-teenager relationship can be fraught and stressful, but remember, your daughter is now a grown woman with a family of her own. She has very young children and is making a long journey with them to spend time with you and to enable you to meet and get to know her children. Meet her as the adult she is and respond with the kindness and support you would have welcomed when you were parenting very young children. 

If it all gets a bit tense, go outdoors and turn on the garden hose or have bubbles/water guns in the press for wet and silly running around together. And if you feel overwhelmed during their stay,  take a break by going on a walk or an errand. 

I wish you a fun-filled visit with your family.

• If you have a question for child psychotherapist Dr Joanna Fortune, please send it to [e-mail]