The advice my father gave me: Irish people pass on dads' wisdom for Father's Day

Jonathan deBurca Butler speaks with four public figures about what they learned from their fathers

Clockwise from left: The late Éamonn Cuddihy with a young Múinteoir Ray taking the oic in the mirror; Maia Dunphy with her father Tom; Evanne Ní Chuiliín with father Cathal; Seán Moncrieff with sister Helen and dad Frank

Maia Dunphy

Maia Dunphy with her father Tom

‘He told me and my siblings we should learn to drive before we left home while there was access to a car. I didn’t do this...’

Writer and broadcaster Maia Dunphy is on a houseboat in Amsterdam. While she takes some time out to chill in the famous Dutch city with her son, a couple of thousand kilometres away, her father, Tom, is exploring the narrow streets and bazaars of Istanbul.

“My Dad is very practical,” says the 46-year-old, “but with a wonderful sense of fun and adventure that he has never lost. He’s the kind of man who’d make sure you set up a pension, but tell you to go on that crazy trip too. That’s why he’s on that solo trip in Turkey that he only booked a fortnight ago, and my son and I are here in Amsterdam.”

“My Dad had a great sense of adventure and curiosity for the world from a very young age,” says Maia. “In 1960, he and a few friends from the athletics club, travelled by boat and road to Rome to go to the Olympics. Their only accommodation option was sleeping in a monastery.”

That sense of wanderlust continued into his career. After studying at night to become an accountant, Tom’s job as an auditor took him all over the world including Africa and the Middle East. It was, as Maia describes it, “a life less ordinary very far away from Wexford”.

“My Dad is such a successful man, and it all came from sheer graft,” says Maia. “He’s also ridiculously modest, given all his achievements. I love hearing people who’ve worked with him over the years sing his praises. He’s the greatest man I know, and we love him so much.”

“He has given me so much advice over the years, but even the stuff I didn’t take on was never thrown back in my face. He told me and my siblings we should learn to drive before we left home while there was access to a car. I didn’t do this, but now nearly three decades on, his patience in taking me out to practise meant I finally got my licence just three weeks ago. Not once did he ever say ‘you should have taken my advice years ago’.

“We lost my darling Mum last year. She and my Dad were so happy, and we miss her terribly, but he’s so stoic. The best piece of advice he’s ever given me is that life is for living, and we have to keep looking forward.”

Evanne Ní Chuilinn

Evanne Ní Chuiliín with father Cathal

‘He was an English teacher and he always used the Shakespeare line, ‘to thine own self be true’.’

This is something that journalist and sports broadcaster, Evanne Ní Chuilinn can relate to. Evanne’s 74-year-old father was a vice-principal and principal at a local secondary school in Kilkenny and is what she describes as “one of those old school gentlemen” for whom discipline and respect were huge.

“I still meet people in Kilkenny that he taught and they tell me how much they loved him,” she says. “There was something about him that garnered respect. So he was a disciplinarian but with a heart and common sense.” Given how much time he spent ferrying Evanne and his siblings around the city, discipline was probably a necessary part of his makeup.

“As a child, I was very active,” says Evanne. “I was involved in loads of sports and I did modern dance for twenty years. I was into music and sang in a choir. It was something I took for granted at the time, but the amount of time he spent driving us around to various activities. It was a joke in the family that he needed to get a taxi plate. It’s only now that I realise, because I’m doing the same thing with my kids, how hard it is. So I have a new sense of appreciation for that because it was just a given and he didn’t grumble, he didn’t resent it. He just loved that we were so involved.” Though Cathal still lives in Kilkenny with Evanne’s mother, Catherine, Evanne and he remain close.

“He’s a great person to bounce things off,” says the 41-year-old. “I’d be strong-willed enough to make my own decisions but I think that comes from advice he always gave me about being true to yourself. He was an English teacher and he always used the Shakespeare line, ‘to thine own self be true’. It still rings in my head if I’m trying to come to a decision or if I’m in company that I don’t appreciate, I‘ll always go back to that.”

Múinteoir Ray

The late Éamonn Cuddihy with a young Múinteoir Ray (background) taking the oic in the mirror

‘It is fun that will help you to cope when times are difficult and if you’re broke.’

While it would be a stretch to say that Evanne’s father had a passion for driving, Ray Cuddihy’s father was at his happiest behind the wheel. A truck driver who, according to Ray, “adored his job”, Eamonn Cuddihy spent much of his spare time racing hotrod cars on grass.

“There would be hotrod events in fields all over the country in the summertime,” recalls Ray. “As you might imagine, I can still hear the sound of roaring VW beetle engines, generators and chip vans and the tinny sound of tannoy commentators. There are still lots of old trophies knocking around and when I run into his hotrod friends today, they tell stories about my Dad.”

Muinteoir Ray puts his own extroverted side down to his father.

“He loved going for a pint on a Friday or a Saturday and telling stories or jokes,” he says. “I realised over the past few years that what I do on radio and tv work is down to that drive to entertain and enjoy the company of others. People have such warm memories of him.”

“He didn’t take life too seriously.

“I think he always recognised that the most important thing in life was to have fun, to have the craic. It is fun that will help you to form deep and meaningful relationships with your family and with others. It is fun that will help you to cope when times are difficult and if you’re broke.”

Sean Moncrieff

Seán Moncrieff with sister Helen and dad Frank

‘He had the wisdom to know that if he had sat me down to share his conclusions about life, I wouldn’t have listened to him’

Seán Moncrieff’s parents met when the couple were both working in London. In fact, the broadcaster spent the first twelve years of his life in the UK. Eventually, the tug of home became too much for his Mayo-born mother, Molly, and the family upped sticks to Ballinasloe where his father Frank worked as a production manager.

When it came to giving advice, Seán’s father took more of a hands-off approach.

“He had the wisdom to know that if he had sat me down to share his conclusions about life, I wouldn’t have listened to him,” says the Newstalk presenter. “I was young, so, of course, I knew it all. I can’t remember a specific occasion when my father ever gave me advice. I think that’s because he didn’t really believe in it.

“He was more from the you’ll-make-your-own-mistakes school of thought: I do remember him saying that more than once. And I suppose that was a kind of advice. He knew that you learn next to nothing from success. It’s only when you screw things up that you have an opportunity to learn and get a bit better. He was right about that.”