Julie Jay: I would throw a fake party every week for Ted if I could

The Romans were the first to celebrate the birth of the common man but female birthdays were not celebrated until about the 12th century when Stevie Wonder wrote Happy Birthday for Cleopatra.

"This week Ted enjoyed his second birthday party in the space of a month, and he’s not alone."

Julie Jay

COMEDIAN

‘Did we miss Ted’s birthday?’ the text from my childminder reads.

‘We were away and then I thought the moment had passed,’ I respond.

‘Not at all! Any excuse to have a party’, she replies, and so the fake party comes into being.

This week Ted enjoyed his second birthday party in the space of a month, and he’s not alone. In China, it is not unusual to celebrate two birthdays. This is because the Chinese use two calendric systems – the common calendar used in much of the world (the Gregorian calendar) and the traditional Chinese calendar (a lunar calendar, which records time according to astronomical phenomenon). The two calendars don’t align, which means people can celebrate their birthday not once but twice, much like your friend who is having a birthday party this year because her actual birthday happened during lockdown. Still, we play along because any excuse for tapas once I don’t have to work out the bill at the end.

In South Korea, people also enjoy two official birthdays: one is the individual’s day of birth, of course, while the other is the Korean birthday, which falls on the lunar new year and is celebrated by everyone, which must make buying cards a nightmare.

And let’s not forget that in many European countries, a person also gets to celebrate their name day, formerly a feast day, when every one of the same moniker gets to indulge in a bit of self-promotion.

We all had the experience of Spanish students who descended into our midst in secondary school with a confidence we thought was merely reserved for American cousins.  The same Spanish students would talk about wanting to do laser tag to celebrate their name day while we were still summoning up the courage to ask the teacher if we could go to the leithreas without getting a slagging from our peers.

I decide to milk Ted's birthday and commit to the faux-gathering, even if this sets a dangerous precedent for years to come. I buy a cake in the supermarket, and meet a woman who of course asks whose birthday it is, and when I explain I am in fact, throwing Ted a second celebration and perhaps this is all getting a bit MTV Sweet Sixteen she tells me that she had two birthday cakes this year, and why not? And why not is right - Ted has brought me so much joy, I would throw a fake party every week for him if I could.

Julie Jay: not averse to a fake birthday party should the need arise

I march out with my birthday cake and feel like I have scored a winning goal against the Gregorian calendar: Julie - 1; Father Time - nil. Because our birthdays can be whenever we want them to be, bar on official documentation when you have no choice.

The Romans were the first to celebrate the birth of the common man, but female birthdays were not observed until the 12th century when Stevie Wonder wrote 'Happy Birthday' for Cleopatra.

Some experts posit that the origins of the birthday party itself can be traced back to the Greeks, who would offer up moon-shaped cakes adorned with lit candles to recreate the moon and Artemis as a tribute to the goddess’s presumed beauty. Blowing out the candles with a wish was believed to be a way of sending that message to the gods because this was a time before the internet when you couldn’t just email.

Because the fake party is happening at the childminder's with all his buddies, I get pictures documenting the proceedings. Sadly we miss out on a picture of Ted blowing out the candles because he was a little scared of the flames (like his mother, who was also never much fun at a bonfire). Still, he is all about eating the actual cake once the offending candle has been removed because as his mother once said if it's a problem that cake can't fix then that's how you know it's a serious problem,

When a photograph of Ted from my childminder lands my heart almost bursts - he is standing beside a giant balloon stand, delighted with life. For one terrible moment, I imagine my childminder going into event management full-time and leaving me. I start to sweat. I don’t know what I’d do without her. The thought strikes me again when I watch her squeeze multiple balloons into my Yaris after the party with a level of skill I haven’t seen since TV star McGyver.

We carefully drive through Dingle town, and I remain as po-faced as you can be with a car full of balloons when I am met by a batch of confused-looking American tourists driving a rental car in the other lane. It’s probably the equivalent of driving a bumper car and being told you’re ready for Formula 1, given that the roads around West Kerry are Super Mario Kart Level challenging.

It's all just a bit of fun, but that’s what I love about being a mammy - it allows us all to be silly and throw a fake party just because we can.

We round off the day with some defrosted mince pies (just to confuse things altogether) and congratulate Ted on his second birthday. He moves through the sitting room with Spanish student levels of confidence as Fred sings Avé Maria, and between that and the fact we live on a mountain it is official: we are the Von Trapps.