Colman Noctor: Teach your children the value of money
Forward planning - an important life skill, and that's no porky pie!
The other day I found myself going through the receipt for the weekly groceries like a forensic accountant, and I couldn’t understand why the bill was so much higher than usual. As it turned out, I hadn’t bought anything different, but many of the items had crept up in price.
As I was running my finger down the long receipt and comparing it to an old one from a few weeks ago, my 12-year-old came into the kitchen. He looked at me, went to the fridge, poured himself a drink, and made a distinct eye roll as he walked past me. I remember having a similar reaction at his age when I saw my mother doing the same thing.
I have found myself gradually evolving into my mother in recent months, possibly due to the current financial environment that harks back to my experiences of growing up in the ’80s. With eerie regularity, I utter phrases like ‘do you think I am made of money?’, ‘don’t throw that out, it’s not finished’ or ‘why does nobody turn off a light in this house?’.
The current financial pressures bring into focus some of the significant expenses. When my children’s school reports arrived last week, the booklists for next term were attached. I was taken aback as I read through each one and totted up the cost for next year. I even rooted out all their old school books to see if there were any on the list that could be reused. Much to my annoyance, the booklist included ‘new editions’, which meant the old ones wouldn’t do.
I am privileged to be able to afford most things my children need, but there are others, for whom the margins of affordability may be much tighter.
I grew up in a modest bungalow in the countryside, and we had a car that was missing a piece of its floor, so you had to keep your feet up when you sat in the back seat, and you could see the road underneath. That said, I don’t remember ever missing out on a school tour or not having the right school books at any point in my childhood — this required financial shrewdness. My mother's forensic analysis of the Superquinn grocery receipt was about making her money go further, most likely to ensure that we, as her three children, did not miss out on things.
When times were hard in the 1980s, parents needed to prioritise their spending and I see that skill returning today. Other than those with immense wealth, most people are feeling the pinch of the current financial crisis. The end of the month has become a more precarious time, and being savvier around our spending is something we all have to do. This will undoubtedly impact our parenting.
Recessions have been shown to have a negative impact on children’s mental health. An ESRI study followed children during the financial crisis of 2008 to 2011 and found the economic strain caused by unemployment and falling family incomes damaged parental mental health. This damaged the relationship between partners and created harsher, less warm parenting. These poor relationships between parents and children were thought to contribute to increasing levels of child anxiety and poor behaviour and conduct at home and in the classroom. Anxious, unhappy children do worse in school, often with long-term consequences for wealth and health.
I worry my children have little awareness of cost and value. While I don’t want them lying awake at night worrying about my financial stability, I would like them to develop an understanding that to make a limited resource like money last, decisions and sacrifices need to be made.
One of the biggest challenges but also one of the most important developmental tasks is the skill of self-regulation. Psychologist Roy Baumeister describes self-regulation as the ability to understand and manage your behaviour and reactions to feelings and things happening around you. Although this is understood as an emotional skill, learning to regulate other aspects of your life can impact your emotional health.
As parents, we teach our children how to self-regulate, whether it’s their sleep, food or body temperature. The skill of regulating money and cost should be considered an extension of this process. Learning to save and spend wisely isn’t just an essential money habit, it teaches discipline and encourages us to delay gratification. According to financial education specialist Sam Renick, saving teaches children about goal-setting and planning and builds security and independence.
If children can learn the skill of saving, it will help them to regulate other aspects of their lives. Contemporary society can seem to be ‘anti-self-regulation’ at times, with commercial pitches often normalising excess. Terms like ‘all you can eat data’, ‘limitless’, and ‘unlimited’ are integrated into our culture. Portion sizes for treat foods are getting bigger, and it seems almost impossible to buy a non ‘share-size’ chocolate bar or pack of sweets anymore. This makes teaching our children about moderation more challenging.
As parents, we need to tighten our collective belts and make tougher choices about where our family resources are spent. While this should never be the responsibility of our children, an awareness of rising costs will teach them the need to prioritise and make choices.
My eldest son complained near the end of the summer term that his school trousers were too short. He was right. His recent growth spurt meant his socks were becoming more visible by the day. I explained that I wasn’t going to buy a new pair of trousers, as I would probably have to buy him another pair in August. Although he wasn’t happy with my sensible decision, he understood and continued wearing ankle-skimming trousers in the spirit of financial wisdom.
I don't expect him to thank me for the lesson in money management any day soon, but it might go somewhere in helping him to understand forward planning.
- Dr Colman Noctor is a child psychotherapist
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