How to discuss the Texas shooting with children and young teens

It is important to reassure children about their own safety and to try to lean the conversation towards hope

Dr Colman Noctor says it is important to judge the conversation based on the temperament of the child. Photo by Julia M Cameron via Pexels

Following the recent Texas school shooting, child psychotherapist, Dr Colman Noctor has shared some tips on discussing such difficult topics with children, assuring parents that it's ok not to have all the answers.

Children are much more exposed to the media these days and so, they may come to parents with questions about what they see.

Firstly, no matter what the topic is, it is important to judge the conversation based on the temperament of the child, rather than their age, Dr Noctor says.

“Some children will have an anxious temperament and they will think about it and lie awake. In those instances, less is more in terms of sheltering them a little bit. A younger child may be able to take that news better than an older child, depending on their temperament.

“Ideally, we would like to protect the innocence of childhood but with mass media, it’s impossible. They’re going to hear about it or they’re going to see it somewhere. It’s different than it was even ten years ago.” 

Reassurance 

When broaching the topic with children, it is important to reassure them about their own safety and to try to lean the conversation towards hope rather than getting stuck on the details and “grimness” of it all, he says.

“I would be reassuring children that firstly, about their own safety. That nobody is allowed to have guns in Ireland, and this has never happened in Ireland, and it would never happen in Ireland; schools are safe but that there are people in America trying really hard to fix this and to try and get rid of guns from society.

You always focus on what is being done to make sure this doesn’t happen.

“Their takeaway from the conversation has to be no, this is not going to happen to you, you’re ok and you’re safe and your school is safe. It sounds simplistic but you’re dealing with a seven, eight, nine-year-old child – it’s as simple as that," he says.

On the other hand, older children may have more complex questions but as a parent, Dr Noctor assures us that you do not have to know everything.

“It’s ok to say this makes no sense to me either but just trying to reestablish a sense of hope in the world, that there’s far more good than bad.” 

The 'accumulative effect' and the media

Dr Noctor also noted the importance of being mindful of the “accumulative effect”. Between the pandemic, the climate crisis and the war in Ukraine, young people have had to manage a number of challenging events as of late.

Even as adults, we often have to self-regulate how much of the news we are exposed to, but children do not have that capacity to self-regulate. In this case, parents have to do it for them. For those with access to their own device, parents should keep an eye out for any mood changes.

“In that situation, parents have to be the regulator for them. The other thing is with the algorithm, the more you search on something, the more information about that topic you’re going to get sent so you can get caught in an echo chamber sinkhole of grief and doomscrolling.

“I’d definitely be watching out for young peoples’ mood and demeanour and if they do seem to be getting caught up in the detail of it, maybe more older children in that sense, I’d be certainly suggesting that they take some time away from that content.” 

If your child has not mentioned it

Finally, just because your child has not mentioned the topic, it does not necessarily mean that they are not thinking about it.

“You can make general enquiries around how they are in general and have they heard anything on the news that they have any questions about and if they don’t, then I’d leave it alone,” Dr Noctor says.

“The conversations we have to have are because children are exposed to things that they shouldn’t really be and I would be one to protect the innocence of childhood wherever possible.”