Workplace Wellbeing: Working out the best ways to resolve workplace  conflicts

Instead of attempting to eliminate workplace confrontations, experts say a better approach is to learn how to manage conflict

Conflicts with colleagues can be complex to handle but experts say they can be resolved constructively. Picture: iStock

Have you ever had a confrontation with your boss? Or conflict with a colleague?

Such situations can be complex to handle but experts say they can be resolved constructively.

“When you have two or more people in any one place, you’ll inevitably have conflict at some point,” says Deirdre Curran, a University of Galway academic and researcher who lectures in management.

“Some people think it should be rooted out and eliminated but I think that’s impossible. A better approach is for people to learn how to manage conflict so it improves, rather than damages, workplace relations.”

Workplace conflict is common. In 2024, the Adare Human Resource Management HR barometer reported that 74% of organisations had experienced conflict over the previous year.

Chartered work and counselling psychologist Leisha Redmond McGrath lists some of these issues and behaviours.

Leisha Redmond McGrath says a lack of role clarity can lead to confrontations.

“A lack of role clarity is a big one that results in people not understanding their responsibilities within the organisation,” she says. “Then they let people down by missing deadlines or not delivering work of high enough quality.

“Another is people taking credit for others’ work. There are also personality clashes and intergenerational misunderstandings. Anything can happen when you put lots of people together in one workplace.”

To further complicate matters, people react differently to conflict. Curran says: “Some run towards it while others run a mile away. We Irish tend to be conflict-averse, pretending everything is OK when it’s really not, because we don’t want to have difficult conversations.

“But other nationalities can have a more confrontational approach, and when you have lots of different nationalities in one workplace, this can lead to problems.”

People can also have valid fears about the potential implications of standing up to co-workers. “You have to interact with these people every day,” says Curran. “So it’s natural not to want to make any disagreements between you worse.

But my view is that it’s already bad if it’s bothering you, and not addressing it is the thing that’s likely to make it worse.

So how can we become more comfortable with confrontation and steer difficult conversations towards positive conclusions?

Curran recommends starting with a pause. “Jumping in immediately when upset rarely works, as you won’t be able to control your emotions. While a little emotion shows the other person that the issue is impacting you, too much hinders communication. So take some deep breaths or give yourself time to let those emotions settle.”

Try to nip problem in the bud

Don’t wait for too long. Curran says it’s best “to speak directly to the person as soon as possible after the incident. That nips the problem in the bud before it has a chance to escalate further”.

Prepare for the conversation during the moment of pause. Identify the outcome you want to achieve and think about how you are going to express yourself.

Redmond McGrath advises “focusing on the specific facts in question”. She adds: “Start sentences with ‘I’ rather than ‘you’ and explain what you saw happening, how you understood it, how it affected you, and what you would like to be done differently in future. When you name things simply and clearly and take ownership of your feelings rather than pointing the finger of blame, most people will be understanding.”

Curran suggests choosing the right time and place for the conversation, ideally some place quiet that is “not the middle of an open-plan office”.

Tone is important too. An angry or upset one is likely to provoke equally strong feelings in the other person. Curran urges “staying calm, measured, and unemotional, so the other person hears what you’ve got to say”.

Deirdre Curran advises staying calm and measured during workplace conflicts.

Another tip is to practise active listening and acknowledge any part you played in the situation.

Curran says: “It’s important to give the other person an opportunity to respond. Be prepared to listen to their perspective and reflect on your role in what happened. This can be challenging as no one likes critical feedback. It can help if you try to see it as an opportunity to learn something about yourself.”

Redmond McGrath says listening can also help identify a solution.

“If you can find a solution rather than simply stating the problem and if you can constructively negotiate rather than turning the conversation into a blame game, you’ll be much closer to resolving the conflict and avoiding similar situations in future,” she adds.

Despite your best efforts, there’s always a chance the other person will go on the offensive. If this happens, Redmond McGrath recommends retreat. “Say, ‘I can see you’re upset but nobody speaks to me like this. I’ll continue this conversation when you calm down.’ Then walk away before the confrontation escalates into a full-blown conflict.”

Get advice from colleagues or boss

There may be times when you need the support of colleagues, managers, or HR to arrive at this resolution.

Redmond McGrath says: “Getting advice from a colleague is a good idea as long as they help you de-escalate your emotions and don’t rile you up further. A supportive manager or someone from HR who can act as a mediator can be great too.”

However, managers and HR personnel aren’t always trained in mediation. Curran says: “Often their solution is to move or promote people out of roles in which they are causing problems, which doesn’t address the problem. Organisations need to invest time and money in training managers to resolve conflict and help employees learn to manage it better.”

If they don’t, Curran says the two most common outcomes are that people either put up and shut up or leave the organisation.

“Both are bad outcomes. When something upsets you at work, you carry it home with you and it can impact your physical and mental health if you don’t address it. Why should anyone leave a job they like and need because of an unresolved conflict?”

Redmond McGrath believes that confrontation needs a rebrand.

If only we could see it as an opportunity for development and growth, as a way of improving workplace relations and enhancing our understanding of ourselves

Olivia Sheehan is a senior program manager at Boston Scientific and the co-founder of Wayfinder Careers, a company that offers career and talent development services. In her 25-year-long career, she has encountered many people who don’t know how to handle confrontation constructively.

“Workplaces are so busy, and people are under so much pressure that there is bound to be conflict at times,” she says. “But people don’t know how to deal with it. Usually, they don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings or risk a defensive reaction, so they keep their hurt inside or vent to others, and nothing is resolved. Or, if they do address the situation, they often use an accusatory tone and get stuck in a rabbit hole of who’s right and who’s wrong.”

She has found it more beneficial to take a different approach, one that is about “really trying to understand” what the other person is saying and not taking it personally.

“I tell myself that most people I deal with at work don’t know me well enough for any conflict or confrontation to be personal so there’s no reason why I should take their comments personally.”

Shifting the focus from herself in this way allows Sheehan to hear, identify and hopefully resolve the actual problem. “It helps me to keep my tone of voice and body language calm and relaxed,” she says. “It stops me from becoming defensive and helps me stay empathetic. I think that if we could all confront each other from a place of care, work could become a far better place.”