Workplace Wellbeing: How to deal with irritating coworkers
Between May and June 2024, the online job search support service kickresume.com asked 2,894 people in North and South America, Europe, and Asia, questions about the behaviours that most irritated them at work and found that 85% of people had been irked by colleagues.
It's perfectly normal to be annoyed by your co-workers. There’s even a survey to prove it.
Between May and June 2024, the online job search support service kickresume.com asked 2,894 people in North and South America, Europe, and Asia, questions about the behaviours that most irritated them at work and found that 85% of people had been irked by colleagues.
Chartered organisational psychologist Erin Shrimpton isn’t surprised by these findings: “When we’re in close proximity with anyone for a certain length of time, there are bound to be behaviours that wind us up. We don’t always gel with other people, and there can be personality clashes with those who don’t see the world the way we do.”
Systemic issues can also be at play, she says: “Some teams and organisations are set up so that people compete with one another rather than collaborating to achieve a common goal.
“People can behave badly when pitted against one another like that.”
So, what are the most common ways for them to act out? According to 33% of survey respondents, the most annoying workplace behaviour was taking credit for other people’s work.
Work psychologist Larry G Maguire believes it’s natural to resent someone stealing your glory in this way.
“People want to do well and be recognised for their efforts,” he says.
“So when others trample on top of them or when managers take credit for work they have done, it can create a toxic environment. It can make people feel they have to watch their backs. This is stressful and won’t do anyone’s health or wellbeing any good.”
Credit stealing can undermine a company’s culture if it’s allowed to continue, says career and performance coach Lisa Fitzpatrick: “It breaks trust, robs people of motivation and breeds resentment. Why should people bother trying if they won’t get recognised for the work they do?”
Next on the list of most grating behaviours was micromanaging, with 32% stating that it was what most exasperated them at work. Maguire uses research such as a 2019 study of 4,340 employees to explain why micromanaging is so bothersome.
“Research shows that high levels of autonomy are beneficial to psychological wellbeing,” he says. “We enjoy having some degree of control and influence over the work we do. An overbearing manager who hovers over our shoulder and constantly tells us what to do will rob us of that and will likely make us feel resentful, stressed and anxious.”
Fitzpatrick says the long-term consequences of micromanaging can be serious: “It can mean there is no space for innovation, creativity, and development, and if it persists, it will stifle growth and the employee will become stagnant in their job.”
Two annoying behaviours shared third place in the survey, with 30% of people citing chronic complaining and intruding on personal space as the behaviours that most ticked them off at work.
Shrimpton recognises how draining it can be to be around someone who moans constantly.
“They can drag you down with them,” she says.
She adds that many people set up “a little home from home” on their desks with personal photos and trinkets: “It’s a safe space of sorts, and if someone enters that space without being invited, and starts touching our things or listening in on our conversations, it can feel intrusive and is definitely annoying.”
Shrimpton is taken aback by the finding that 27% of people in the survey reported having had their lunch stolen by a co-worker. “Have people not watched that episode of Friends where Ross’ sandwich is stolen,” she asks. “Watching that should be essential training for all office workers as it shows how such actions can create distrust.”
Office gossip is another troubling workplace behaviour. Fitzpatrick explains why many of us find it hard to put up with tittle-tattle.
“If you hear colleagues talking about others behind their backs, then you’re naturally going to fear that they talk behind your back too,” she says. “That can destroy your sense of psychological safety at work.”
That’s not all such behaviours can do. The survey also showed that they impact our productivity, with 58% reporting that disruptive colleagues had significantly affected their performance at work — while 29% said their performance had been affected moderately.
Maguire says this finding shows we should try to tackle the behaviours that bother us at work.
“These irritations can affect people’s ability to focus and do good work,” he says. “That’s not good for them or their organisation.”
In the survey, people outlined the strategies they used to deal with these irksome behaviours. Some 32% said they distanced themselves from the culprit, and another 17% said they tried to ignore them.
Maguire believes these avoidance tactics are unlikely to be effective: “If you’re constantly giving people the benefit of the doubt or telling yourself that their behaviour will be better tomorrow or you’ll be better at handling it, nothing is likely to change. In fact, it may get worse.”
Some 12% of survey respondents reported that their response to frustration at work was to vent to other co-workers. Maguire cautions against this tactic as well: “It might make you feel better in the moment, but sometimes, venting can pour petrol on the flames and make you feel worse.”
Another 12% reported the behaviour to management or HR. Fitzpatrick questions this approach.
“Involving a third party can help mediate the situation but it can also escalate the problem, making it more serious than it needs to be,” she says. “Colleagues should be able to sort out most of these problems between themselves.”
Some 17% of survey respondents did just that. They confronted the other person and asked them to cease the annoying behaviour. Another 41% wished they had the courage to do so.
Shrimpton understands their reluctance.
“Most of us have a fear of conflict, and we often have enough on our plates without making life more difficult for ourselves,” she says. “So we shy away from confrontation.”
Tackling the issue directly is usually the most effective approach. However, Maguire warns that it must be done carefully.
“Often people stay quiet and put up with things until it becomes too much and then they explode,” he says. “Try not to make this mistake. Act early. Think about what you want to say in advance and then have a friendly conversation with your colleague.”
“Don’t go in all guns blazing,” adds Fitzpatrick. “Remember, you are two adult professionals. Keep the conversation fact-based. Tell them what they are doing and explain how it makes you feel. Then ask them if there is anything they can do to change it. They might just gain a new sense of perspective and self-awareness from your conversation. Confrontation can create growth in relationships if it’s done right.”
Shrimpton goes even further and says that learning how to respond to and manage challenging behaviour in the workplace is a skill we should all try to master.
“Like most people, I’ve encountered my fair share of annoying behaviour at work and know how frustrating it can be,” she says.
“But it’s a normal part of the friction of being a human being, and I don’t think it’s a good idea to try to avoid it.
“It’s good for our brains to communicate with people who are different from us and to work out how to collaborate with them. Seeing how others do things, learning how to control our responses, and learning how to assert ourselves directly but respectfully — all of these are important life skills and we only gain them by dealing with all sorts of people in the workplace.”
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