Lockdown bereavement: ‘I'm still devastated nobody could come celebrate her life with us'

New research shows that prolonged grief disorder is more common in those who suffered a loss during covid lockdown

Many funerals had limited numbers during the pandemic

Keith only saw his mother a handful of times during her illness because of strict hospital rules during the covid lockdown. He treasured the time with her when she returned home for palliative care, but seeing her go through such isolation was difficult. 

“There was this feeling of helplessness because you couldn’t even be with her in the hospital when she was getting updates about her prognosis," explains Keith, a restaurant owner from Sligo. 

"I felt really bad for her that she was facing all of this alone. The communication was dreadful between the hospital and the family too, and obviously, you want to spend as much time with the person you love, especially when it’s apparent how little of it they have left.” 

Keith, however, does feel grateful he was able to be with his mum when she died – an experience a lot of people missed out on during the pandemic.

“When Mum died we only had a few people there for the funeral. The neighbours did a guard of honour when we drove past the house. I can’t remember the limit on people, but I remember thinking how sad it was that nobody could come and properly celebrate her life with us. 

I'm still devastated about that. Of course, I understood why, but not having that support or comfort made it all so much harder.”

Isolation

The effects of the covid pandemic continue to ripple through society, even now, years later. But when it comes to grief, a first-of-its-kind study has found that those bereaved during the lockdown were three times more likely to have PGD, or prolonged grief disorder.

The disorder, also known as complicated grief can result in intense emotional pain including guilt and denial and trouble engaging with friends and planning for the future, all of which go on for longer than six months.

The research from Cardiff and Bristol universities revealed that the social isolation and lack of social support over time strongly contributed to higher levels of prolonged grief symptoms.

“Our research not only helps us to understand how mass bereavement events can impact grieving and mental health, but also has important implications for bereavement policy, provision and practice,” said Dr Emily Harrop, a research fellow at the Marie Curie Research Centre at Cardiff University school of medicine.

Normally the condition affects one in ten, but the study of 711 people bereaved from March 2020 to January 2021 found three in ten of those had the disorder more than two years after their loss.

Distress

Orla Keegan from the Irish Hospice Foundation says the lockdown was a particularly tough time for many.  "What happened during that time impacted the social support within our community. We see this in a lot of surveys and comments in our qualitative feedback about that time. People who were living alone told us how much they missed having a hug. We have people talking about going home to an empty house. 

"These are really tangible feelings of loneliness. Many found the limited rituals hard," Keegan, who is Head of Education and Bereavement at the foundation, points out. "There were difficult decisions, like who to choose to go to the funeral with the knowledge that those decisions would have legacies into the future," she explains.

Ultimately, she believes that the supports within the community need to be stepped up: "Demands are up, but funding is down. People who reached out had a higher level of distress, but they also faced other challenges in keeping their services going, particularly those in the voluntary sector. 

They also had concerns about the financial security of their services into the future, not just the twelve months after covid. We really feel there's work to be done there yet."

Yet, in spite of the restrictions, Keegan reports that many still found something meaningful in the limited rituals they were able to provide. "We've had people tell us how much they appreciated being able to watch the funeral service online, or appreciated the efforts made by the community. Our survey data shows that the respect shown by neighbours and friends really did make a difference."

Keith meanwhile, has sought out help to help him overcome his own complicated grief. “I still feel a little stuck," he admits. "I know all grief is hard, but I think I owe it to my family to try to overcome this in a healthier way".

The Irish Hospice Bereavement Support Line is available to anyone experiencing bereavement. The national freephone service is available from 10am to 1pm Monday to Friday. 1800 80 70 77