Godmothers: A special bond that can last a lifetime

As trusted adults who can be relied on for extra support, love and guidance, godmothers often play a critical role in the lives of their godchildren. It’s a relationship that can remain strong long after the child grows into adulthood

Natalie Tuchapsky (right) and Grace Sheehan. Picture Denis Minihane

Ciara Stewart felt very emotional when her best friend asked her to be godmother to her baby girl.

The 28-year-old Dundalk-based library assistant has been friends with Deirdre McKenny since the pair met aged 13 in secondary school.

“Deirdre was my first real friend. We bonded, with similar interests in music and fashion. We’ve stayed friends — she’s definitely one of my closest, she feels more like a sister,” says Ciara.

For Deirdre — mum to 16-month-old Fiadh — the choice of godmother for her firstborn was important.

“I feel it’s an extra special relationship for my daughter to have. Personally, I’m very close to my own godmother. My mother passed away nine years ago and I almost see my godmother as a second mother. I talk to her about anything.

“I want Fiadh to have this extra special adult too, aside from her parents. Ciara has always been there for me. She’s incredibly thoughtful.

“I want Fiadh to have the excitement of her godmother calling round and Ciara always being there for Fiadh. That’s how I envisage it.”

Deirdre, married to David, invited Ciara to step into the role soon after Fiadh’s birth.

“I got really emotional and teary-eyed,” recalls Ciara.

“It was just wonderful to be asked. I already felt a special connection with Fiadh. I felt very honoured to be given the role.”

In their friend’s group, of about eight women, Fiadh is the first baby born.

“So it’s all very special,” says Ciara, who wants to be “another someone” Fiadh can turn to when she needs.

“I just want to be another person in her life. I see myself as her auntie, even though technically I’m not. I want to be always there for her, to look out for her.

“I have two nieces and I’m godmother to one of them too — I feel very blessed to have these girls in my life who I can be there for.”

Ciara Stewart with her goddaughter Fiadh

Special bond

Deirdre feels her daughter already knows that Ciara is special in her life.

“She’s quite shy around people — naturally, at her age. But it only takes a very short amount of time for her to come around when Ciara calls. She wants to play with Ciara and cuddle with her. It’s lovely to see.”

And Ciara feels this too: “I find it very easy to connect [and] play with her, make her laugh. It’s lovely being able to spend time with her — my nieces are a bit older and I do miss the baby days.”

As Fiadh gets older, Ciara wants to be able to babysit her, take her out for treats, and go places together.

“I want to show her things I’m interested in, like I have a big interest in history.”

Deirdre’s relationship with her own godmother, Pauline, now in her 80s, didn’t fade when she reached adulthood.

“Her love for me is almost like ‘ah, she’s [still] only a child’. I could get away with anything with her. It’s nice, even when you’re older, to have that adult in your life, who still sees you like that.

“For a lot of people, their [relationship with their] godmother is almost a childhood thing. It fades out in adulthood. Before Fiadh was born, I went over to Pauline a few times a week and now I go once a week and we sit and chat for hours. I hope that Fiadh, into her adult life, will have that relationship with her godmother too.”

Rev Lorraine McCarthy of Celebrant Ireland

Rev Lorraine McCarthy, founder of Celebrant Ireland (www.celebrantireland.ie), conducts about seven naming ceremonies a year. When it comes to the godparent role, she gives parents the option to use the term ‘guide-parent’ or ‘godparent’.

“They all choose to have a guide-parent. They sense they’ll need this support, help and wisdom [in] the child’s life. They feel the baby can turn to [them] in future for help or guidance, or just be there for them.”

During the naming ceremony, McCarthy brings attention to the choice the parents have made for these two special individuals whom they hope will shape the life of the baby.

“I point out that guide-parents are wise and trusted. They are advisors who nurture and cherish a special relationship with the guide-child.

“And I say how the role is meaningful and deeply rewarding for the child. And that maybe there will be times when the parents don’t have all the answers that the baby will need. And so guide-parents are there to help the baby on its life path.”

Natalie Tuchapsky (left) and Grace Sheehan. Picture: Denis Minihane

‘Adopted’ godmother

Carrigtohill-based Natalie Tuchapsky, 64, is not officially Grace Sheehan’s godmother.

“She is my friend’s daughter and I am her adopted godmother.”

Mum to “two beautiful boys”, the company director always dreamed of having a girl.

“And then this friend brought Grace into my life. My friend is Australian and whenever she visited her parents in Australia, I’d take care of Grace.

“I really liked Grace. She was not afraid to express her opinions at five or six or seven years of age. And she would ask for advice. I listened to her — even when she was five, I identified with what she liked in life.”

A 21-year-old MTU science student, Grace’s earliest memory of Natalie was from her First Communion year.

“My sister and I went down to Natalie’s house and she did a photo shoot with us, in all situations and costumes, and she made us a calendar for that year. And I still have it.”

Grace says, aside from her mum, Natalie is one of her most influential role models.

“She has taught me how to have confidence in myself, different ways to present myself to the world and how she does it. I’ve learned a lot from her. She’s definitely a huge source of confidence, comfort and friendship for me. I value her opinion — she’s one of the first people I’d go to for advice and help.”

The pair have always bonded over shared activities. Natalie recalls how when Grace was just 11 or 12, they did yoga together.

“We walk a lot together and we recently went to Amsterdam.”

Grace counts Natalie as one of her best friends. “When I was young, she looked after me. She brought me places [but] she was very much my mum’s friend. Today it’s more like I text her and ask, ‘Are you free on such a day? I’d love to go for a walk or a coffee and we can catch up’. Now I initiate it. Our friendship has strengthened.”

For Ciara Stewart, being a godmother is about being there for Fiadh — but also for Fiadh’s parents. “It is true what they say — it takes a village to rear a child.”

And a godmother can be a very significant part of that village.

‘Guide-parent’ for life

When she officiates at naming ceremonies, Rev Lorraine leads god/guide-parents into their vows.

“I explain the role of guide-parents, including ‘you have chosen to help facilitate the baby towards making wise choices and exploring their quests with them’.”

During the process, she asks “down-to-earth” questions, for example, will you whisper in the child’s ear when they need your guidance? Will you be a role model for love and understanding? Will you always have immense affection and love for this child and give them your time, friendship, guidance and inspiration?

“I ask: ‘In the child’s presence, will you try to see the world through their eyes and enjoy the view?’

“I end on a lighthearted note, asking if they will always celebrate the special moments in a child’s life — and will they always remember their birthday?”