Miscarriage Stories: I lost my baby and this is what my hospital experience was like

We asked readers to share their experiences of miscarriage. These are their stories

'I was in the hospital alone listening to newborn babies crying'

‘I couldn't handle hearing all those beautiful babies cry’ 

At the end of 2016 my world came crashing down. I was 29 and had been trying for two years to get pregnant. And then one morning I was. I went to the doctor and she confirmed my pregnancy, I swear I danced the whole walk home. I was finally pregnant. This was it.

All I had wanted my entire life was to be a mother. Having lost both my parents at a young age and never really having a family of my own, this was my chance. My very own family. Myself And my husband attended a scan privately and there was my beautiful baby on the screen. I was 8 weeks pregnant and thrilled beyond belief.

I couldn't wait to attend my hospital appointments and see my much-wanted baby grow. A few weeks passed and it was finally time to attend the hospital. We were beyond excited. I can remember sitting with the most wonderful nurse named Ann who told me she was “so thrilled to see two people so excited to have a baby."

I was walking on air. We waited for the doctor to bring us in for our ‘official’ scan. I lay on the table. 

The doctor started the scan, she went quiet and then I heard the words that still haunt me.

"I'm so sorry but your baby has no heartbeat" I can remember just looking at my husband as I wept. We were ushered out of the room to another more private room shortly after so as to not alarm other expectant mothers in the waiting room and the lovely Ann came in and held me, held us. We couldn't stop crying.

I had a missed miscarriage. I didn't even know such a thing existed. The following days are still quite a blur. I was brought in the next day for a D&C and it broke me. I can remember waking up from the procedure, trying to pull the tubes from my mouth so I could ask if they could at least tell me sex of my baby.

The lovely doctor sat with me and rubbed my head and then told me her own story of miscarriage. I can remember hearing babies crying in the distance and I started to cry as the doctor stroked my hair. I went home. All I wanted to do was sleep. I was quite ill after the D&C.

My husband sat up watching me that night as my lips turned blue and I lost a lot of blood. I was admitted back into the hospital the next morning and I begged them with every fibre of my being not to admit me. I couldn't handle hearing all those beautiful babies cry.

I still don't think I'm over it or ever will be over it. Thank you for letting me share my story.

‘We waited five weeks for our baby to leave us’ 

It started at my 12-week scan in Jan 2021. I was on my own and felt so excited as I had all the usual symptoms, vomiting, tiredness, peeing during the night. There's the heartbeat the sonographer said. I was so so so happy but then there was a silence before the sonographer asked if she could do an internal scan which I have never had to have before. I became worried.

There is too much fluid around your baby. We need to do a CVS test tomorrow with the consultant. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't process what they were saying, it felt like I was in a nightmare all of a sudden. I couldn't call or text my husband as I couldn't talk as I was so shocked.

We had the CVS the next day and had to wait 3 days for the results which were grim. Our baby was going to die.

We waited five weeks for our baby to leave us. Our little girl departed on the last day of January. 

I went for a scan the night I miscarried on my own as I wasn’t allowed to have my husband with me.

The two doctors were worried, the baby's heartbeat was slow and her movements were few and far between. They told me she was on her way out. I will never forget watching my baby die. It will stay with me forever. A few hours later I miscarried.

‘I just wanted it to be over’ 

My first miscarriage was when I was 34-years-old. It was my first pregnancy and I was so excited. I found out the pregnancy wasn't viable at a 9-week scan and was referred to the hospital.

This was followed by weeks and weeks of upset and confusion. I was scanned at an early pregnancy unit at 11 weeks and told I had to wait another week to confirm pregnancy wasn't viable, even though I had the private scan done at 9 weeks.

At 13 weeks I was given medication to start the miscarriage, which was horrendous and scary. A week later it showed there was still some tissue present so more medication was recommended, I just wanted it all to be over. I fought to have a D&C and requested a second opinion and was finally heard. Taken immediately on that day and given a D&C. It was a total of six weeks of pain, lost hope, feeling unheard and heartbreak.

I've had three further miscarriages but have not needed any medical assistance because I know to speak up and keep asking and asking questions.

The medical world kept telling me it was a ‘chemical pregnancy.’ 

After a number of years of trying to conceive without any sign of hope, we finally did, only to lose it just when the pregnancy test showed that positive result.

Our doctor told us it couldn't have been a pregnancy as it was lost so early on. This led to a lot of hurt and confusion for some time... to me I was pregnant and lost our baby even though the medical world kept telling me it was a ‘chemical pregnancy’ suggesting it wasn't a ‘real’ pregnancy.

It hurt. It still hurts. It was so commonplace for the doctor, but it was new, scary and painful for me.

Some months after this experience we managed, with the help of a fertility clinic and some stimulating medications to conceive not one, but three babies!

In the weeks that followed we lost two of these babies. I didn't allow myself to grieve for them at the time, I was intent on focusing on the one lasting baby, but now five years later and experiencing more fertility challenges I mourn my lost babies which were our hopes and dreams. I cherish our daughter and marvel at how perfect she is and hope for siblings for her to enjoy.

‘Your hopes and dreams wash away as you bleed out this life you longed for’ 

I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks during the pandemic, I went for an early scan in Dublin and remember only been able to see the eyes of the woman giving me the scan but knowing that something wasn't right.

She told me to contact the Early Pregnancy Unit in Portlaoise hospital, which I did. I had a scan there the following week and the baby had not grown since the last scan.

I was told to come back the following week to see if the baby had grown further and to check for a heartbeat as this would be the last possible time that no heartbeat detected was possible.

I went the following week and an internal scan showed a heartbeat and a little growth but the baby was still behind. I had to attend these appointments alone. I had this appointment on a Friday morning and then on Saturday night I went to the toilet and saw the tiniest speck of blood.

I was unsure if I actually saw it or not. On Sunday I made excuses not to leave the house and then started to bleed more by Sunday night I was bleeding heavily. At 3 am I went to Portlaoise where it was confirmed I had a miscarriage.

I again had to attend hospital alone and the following morning I had a D&C.

My whole world fell apart and I was in the hospital alone listening to newborn babies crying wondering if I would ever experience that again.

I tried to put the experience behind me and became pregnant again and now have 9-week old twins, a boy and a girl.

I know I haven't dealt with my miscarriage and almost feel guilty to be sad about it as I know how lucky I am to have had my babies and I am very grateful for this. It is still something that will always live with me and I will always wonder what my baby would have been like.

The experience of the miscarriage was the worst time in my life, all your hopes and dreams washed away as you bleed out this life you longed for, hating your body for not keeping it in and holding on to it. It is a feeling I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

‘It's a club no one talks about until you're in the club’ 

At the start of last June I attended a second scan just over 10 weeks pregnant, excited to see my baby again. I was alone due to pandemic partner restrictions. I was told there was no heartbeat - I had two children at home and told the kind midwife I'd be fine - I wasn't fine. The midwife called my consultant who came up immediately. Both were so kind and lovely to me.

The next few days were a blur. I was booked in for a D&C but started to miscarry in a busy supermarket four days later - again two ladies working in the supermarket helped me to my car and their kindness was overwhelming as I explained what was happening and one of the ladies said it happened to her too.

I became obsessed with looking for more information and stories to relate to online - talking to friends and learning my own mother had miscarried too - it's a club no one talks about until you're in the club.

The sadness and grief is very real - I was lucky to have a great partner and supportive friends and family - two young children to keep me busy.

I was very focused on trying again as soon as I could and am now 39 weeks pregnant - it'll stay with me forever how lost and sad I felt and a whole new perspective of what others go through having had two straightforward pregnancies.

It's great that those with platforms are using them to talk and support others - we need to end the stigma and silence and support people.

‘I went to work bleeding heavily’ 

I had one miscarriage back in 2015. At the time it was awful I told none of my friends and they still don't know. None of my brother's know. I got pregnant again two months later and feel so guilty about grieving because if I did not have the miscarriage I would not have the beautiful little five-year-old boy I have now.

I feel so guilty for feeling sad, it feels wrong to me to feel sad when I got pregnant so soon after. I had a horrible time in the hospital and get so angry when I think about the midwife. First, they were telling me there was a heartbeat and all was okay but they could not do a proper scan because it was the weekend. I could not understand how these scans could only happen Monday to Friday. I am still angry about that.

The worst part at the time I had the miscarriage over the bank holiday weekend and went to work on Tuesday still bleeding heavily. I felt like I could not tell them what happened and it was just easier to go to work.

‘It's like my body didn't give in fully until I was certain I was losing the baby’ My first pregnancy was in 2007. I was 23, I started to bleed in work very lightly and it progressed over a few days. I went to the hospital to have a scan and they sent me home as I was early and my cervix was still closed so they did a hormone test and I got the results on a Friday, to tell me I was miscarrying. The bleeding was much heavier then, after that news. 

It's like my body didn't give in fully until I was certain I was losing the baby. 

I was given a D&C the next day.

12 years later I had a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks. I had a scan - it was a 6-week sac but my body continued being pregnant until 10 weeks. I bled in work on a Sunday. I was sent home to pass it on my own but it didn’t happen so I had another D&C ten days later. They were both such horrible experiences but I am blessed with two rainbow daughters.

‘I miscarried before I got to hospital’ 

I had a miscarriage in 2015 at about 6 weeks. I went to the doctors for a blood test and was waiting for a hospital referral to check my HGC levels. When I didn’t get a follow-up I called the hospital - the doctors had never sent on my blood. By the time I got my hospital appointment my miscarriage was finished.

We haven’t been so lucky since and heading into our third round of IVF.