Colman Noctor: Lockdown brings the silver lining of a chance to pause

Colman Noctor

Although the last year has been the toughest in living memory for many of us, the task I set myself was to try to look for any possible silver linings that have come from Covid-19 and the lockdowns. 

It is difficult to do this without veering into toxic positivity, which is something I naturally tend to rail against, as I see it as having little value to anyone.

For those who wish to be viewed as altruistic and impressive, it tends to catalyse a competition of optimism, and for those who are feeling lousy, it only serves to make them feel worse. 

But if I park the awfulness of the last 12 months and go out of my way not to offend the memory of those who have passed away, or to diminish to trauma involved the losses of jobs and livelihoods, I think we can identify some of the more positive side effects of 2020/21 which may stand to us in time.

Reassessing priorities

The first thing that springs to mind is a reshuffle of priorities.

The results of this survey carried out by the Irish Examiner reveal that many young people have had a realisation in terms of their value system.

The absence of a grandparent to hug, or the absence of friend to chat with has made many of us value what previously we may have taken for granted. 

The idea that one only misses the water when the well runs dry was very apt over the last year. 

There has also been a realignment of the importance of experiences over things. The idea that we have sacrificed so much in the last year has meant that perhaps the greatest challenge has been the absence of the experiences of joy or pleasure derived from interpersonal sharing of experiences rather than the presence or absence of things.

I also feel that perhaps our relationship with technology has evolved. Where previously I would have claimed that we were living in a time of technological mindlessness and were being consumed by our weapons of mass distraction, or smartphones, we have reset the relationship we have with technology to be much more on our terms. We have now a more mature use of technology where we are using it for remote learning, communicating with cocooning relatives, the provision of goods and services and working from home.

Brian Gleeson, 13, from Tipperary, with his family. He attends Cashel Community School

This evolution has meant that the activities that we are engaging in are more functional and less lizard-brained, and despite spending more time on devices it perhaps has been ‘time better spent’ as opposed to just ‘time spent’ and in a way we are controlling it, more than it is controlling us.

The most interesting observation I have had in my clinical work is how young people have realigned their concept of ‘family time’ or ‘quality time’. Many of the young people I speak to refer to how their relationships with their parents have evolved, and perhaps become more meaningful. One respondent to the Irish Examiner survey suggested: “My Dad has been working from home since the pandemic began. I’m very happy that he’s working from home because before the pandemic he would have to travel to Dublin for work and he would usually be gone two or three night out of the week but now he's at home the whole time and I’m very grateful to be able to spend this extra time with him”.

Staying connected

The living in a lockdown bubble phenomenon has meant that we have had to be around each other a lot more, and while that may well have resulted in more cabin fever related arguments, it may also have resulted in closer relationships.

Other observations in the survey reflect this.

“It was certainly strange seeing them working at the kitchen table, but as time passed, I have gotten more used to it and now it’s hard to imagine them driving into work every morning.

“Personally, I like the idea of having them at home. It’s really nice being able to socialise with them more regularly and ask them for advice when I need it.

“I feel like I have a better understanding of my family and they understand me more. We are a lot more open with each other and with our feelings.”

Previously we had a choice to be where we wanted to be, and often teenagers might have chosen to be out with their friends, or on their screens in their rooms. However, maybe the events of the last year have meant that we are spending less time where we ‘want to be’ and more time where we ‘need to be’ i.e. with our families.

But connection is not always good, and we have seen how the new abnormal has become a very engrained part of our experience, which leaves many of us wondering how our readjustment to the old normal will be for us.

But in truth the impact of the coronacoaster has been up and down, and it has had other impacts which have taken its toll on all of us.

As one young person poignantly stated; “My parents and siblings all work from home. Somehow it makes the house even quieter. Everyone is here but we don’t get to see each other, we all stay at our desks and computers.

“There is no playful banter or joking in the air. There’s just silence.”

So connection is what we make of it.

Maybe as adults we do not realise how much we influence the emotional temperature of our homes, and we need to be reminded of that responsibility.

Being upbeat and seeing the positives in things is simply not sustainable all the time and we have to give ourselves permission to struggle.

So like most things, moderation and balance are key. The last year has taught us more than anything that in the busyness of our lives, a pause is a good thing.

The pause has let us reflect, connect and replenish, and we can even see that the planet is starting to recover as a result of this break. But like most things, there is a point where reflection becomes rumination, a pause becomes stop and where a break becomes avoidance.

It is my view that the pause has been helpful in many ways, but we have been on pause for long enough now. And as we prepare to re-board the merry-go-round, let’s hope we can take the positive and negative learnings of Covid-19 and 2020/21 with us.

The Irish Examiner Growing up in Lockdown survey asked children to reflect on how the pandemic had impacted their lives, their families and their friendships.