Learner Dad: My kids have gone back to school - I'm not sure I could have taken much more 

Picture: iStock 

They’re back: I’m just glad my daughter isn’t aged nine. Because then she’d be in 3rd class rather than 2nd class and wouldn’t have gone back to school this week with her brother. And I’m not sure I could have taken much more.

It’s not enough to love your kids as much as we (and you) do – if they’re cooped up with you for two months through homeschooling and bible-punishment rain, then the shine is going to come off the relationship. To be honest, I started tuning out of my son’s non-stop Minecraft chatter back in mid-February. It was either that or start crying in front of the little guy and that’s not the way I want him remembering me.

He went back to school on Monday and got half his life back. His school buddies are most of his world. There was never that much Minecraft talk before Christmas because he was too busy telling me that his classmates Jack and Sophie are going to get married when the time is right. Himself and Sophie had been engaged the week before but these things can change very quickly.

My daughter is a bit different in that she’s very close to one or two kids in her class. What amazed me through lockdown is how nice they all are to each other – I don’t remember kids being that supportive when we were eight . For example, if my daughter put up a drawing as part of her work on Seesaw (the homeschooling online platform), it would attract heart-breakers of lovely comments from other kids in her class. I’m glad they’re finally back face to face, so they can get on with the business of growing up together.

I’m also glad that we get the house back for part of the day. We’ve all been having too many meals together. Yes, it’s a pain now planning and making lunches for school, but the prize is a quiet house around 1pm, so my wife and I can enjoy an easygoing lunch and a conversation that doesn’t involve the phrase ‘Eat your beans’ or ‘No, it’s Tuesday, no after-lunch treats on a Tuesday.’

I’ve been thinking a lot about those Australian kids in the outback for whom homeschooling is a fact of life. I remember being told about them when we were young, and looking at them sitting at the kitchen table talking to their teacher on a shortwave radio kit. The main thing that struck me then was that they were always tanned and wearing shorts. The main thing that strikes me now, in March 2021, is how did their parents not go bonkers, having them at home all the time. I suppose the weather helped, but still.

At least now we have that middle-of-the-day oasis when we don’t need to think about what’s for lunch. (I’m not sure how this happened, but we let the kids have different things for lunch during lockdown , something we’d never do for dinner. T he kitchen was like one you’d find in a bustling diner at around 1 pm.)

Anyway, I appreciate that not everyone is out of the homeschooling woods. Good luck to those still in the trenches, it’s not long before we’re all free and you can look forward to a lunchtime glass or two of prosecco on their first day back. I’d recommend it.

Old me:  I need to put a junk-mail filter on my phone. Because it’s all bad news in the mornings when I click into my inbox. The internet has obviously figured out my age and is sending me spam emails to help roll back the tide of time. 

This morning’s crop of junk mail assumes I have rotten teeth, failing eyesight, moles and skin tags and 24lbs of fat that I need to burn off. It also reckons I’d love a drone. 

This mortality reminder is not the way I want to start the day. So it’s time to hide them away in spam folder, out of sight of my failing eyes. I presume it’s not long now before they start bombarding me with ads for a coffin.