Learning Points: 'I fear mental collapse in this second lockdown'

"I worry my teenage anorexia will return"

The reader is regressing to the anxiety she had as a teenager.

I have been reading your column, but I have never written to you. I need help. This lockdown is unbearable. I’m worried about how I am feeling.

 What prompted me to write was that my eight-year-old child, yesterday, asked if I was 'sad'. I'm not coping. I managed the first lockdown well. I struggled at the start, but did some of the things you suggested and I improved. 

In November, I lost motivation, but I do suffer with anxiety and I developed anorexia in my teens. I am watching what I eat again and some of those old feelings are coming back.

I keep thinking the world is falling apart. I feel lost and that I'm going to have a breakdown.

 I’ve started to push my husband away and we are sleeping in separate rooms. When I was a teenager, I isolated myself while I was developing an issue with my food. I'm worried I'm doing it again. That was such a difficult time: I don't think I could face it again. I'm on my phone much more and I can't stop checking the daily Covid-19 figures. 

 I can't concentrate. I'm worried my children are noticing this. Please help.

ANSWER: You have acknowledged your feelings and how concerned you are that you are not managing in this second lockdown. That's the first step. Link in with your GP and explain how you are feeling and your history of anorexia. 

Having had an eating disorder, you probably know a lot about it. Control is such an important part of it. When we feel out of control, we can often look to negative behaviours to manage those feelings. Controlling what we eat helps us feel in control of our lives. The less you eat, the better you feel. This can be a dangerous mindset and our health can suffer hugely. 

That's what most people don't understand: The anorexic mind feels guilty for eating and rewarded when it avoids food. You must get the support you need to make sure this behaviour isn't developing again. That teenage girl who worked her way out of anorexia was strong and formidable. You have to tap into her again. There are plenty of supports available.

You feel unsure and out of control because everywhere you look, you are bombarded with  negative information. But news is entertainment, too. The more doomsday it is, the more we consume it, and the more we consume doomsday content, the more of it the media supply. 

So, stop 'zombie-scrolling' information about the pandemic. A useful phrase I tell clients who have anorexia or OCD is, 'Take control of losing control to gain control.' What I mean is that when you realise that you don't have control of certain aspects of your life, that gives you control. For example, when you take a flight, you have to put control in the pilot's hands. While one passenger may be enjoying the flight, watching movies and chatting with his friend, another passenger might be sitting there sweating, counting in patterns and praying for a safe landing. 

The reader is worried that she is 'losing her mind'. Picture: David Garrison/Pexels

Neither of those approaches is going to impact the outcome of the flight, but one is going to make the journey very uncomfortable. You cannot do anything about what is happening in society. You can only look after yourself and your family. Take control of that fact. You said certain things worked in the first lockdown: What were those? Do more of that. Exercise more, eat well, connect with your friends, record your feelings, cut down on alcohol, get into nature, start a gratitude journal, and do something positive for someone else.

 Helping others can really give us a positive sense of self. Reconnecting with your husband is an important first step, too. You know your pattern from your previous experience with anorexia: You isolate when you are feeling overwhelmed. Fight against that behaviour. Of course, it is difficult to concentrate when you are experiencing so many negative feelings. Your mind is trying its best to make sense of everything. So, give it a break. Put aside time to disconnect from everything, whether that is going for a walk or reading a book. Plug out of everything at least once during the day.

By putting more positive behaviours into place, reconnecting with your husband, avoiding 'zombie scrolling' of information, linking in with your GP, and exercising more, how you are viewing this pandemic will change.