Sex file: I'm finding it difficult to keep up with my fit wife in bed

His wife has started exercising regularly and her sexual appetite has also increased.

Mon, 24 Aug, 2020 - 06:00

Suzi Godson

Q. My wife has started exercising twice a day since we've been working from home and her sex drive has gone through the roof. Is this just a coincidence? I'm not sure how much longer I can keep up.

A. That your wife's sex drive has gone up as she has started to exercise more is no coincidence. It is well documented that exercise has a positive effect on libido.

In 1995 Cindy Meston, who runs the Sexual Psychophysiology Laboratory at the University of Texas, asked one group of women to spend 20 minutes sitting in a chair while another group spent 20 minutes pedalling a stationary bicycle at a moderate intensity. Both groups were then asked to watch a three-minute travelogue followed by a three-minute erotic film while their physiological arousal was tested. No differences were found in the levels of arousal during the travelogue, but the women who had been cycling had a much stronger sexual response to the erotic film.

Exercise improves cardiovascular health, which increases blood flow to the genitals. That change does not happen immediately. Meston discovered that exercise increases activity in the sympathetic nervous system, which boosts the body's alertness and heart rate, and after 15 minutes or so this facilitates physiological sexual arousal in women.

Exercise also triggers endocrinal changes, which can affect sex drive. It increases levels of oxytocin (the bonding hormone) and testosterone, all of which have been linked to sexual arousal in women. Exercise, as long as it is not too intense, also reduces the amount of cortisol (a stress hormone) in the body, which is why it is recommended to help people suffering from anxiety and depression.

Indeed, the impact exercise has on mental health has been shown to be transformative. In 2014 Mathew Fetzner and Gordon Asmundson at the University of Regina in Canada conducted a study with 32 people who were suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The study was simple — six sessions on a stationary bike — yet 89% of the participants reported clinically significant reductions in the severity of their PTSD after two weeks.

When it comes to sex and exercise, moderation is key. Meston's work has shown that working out at about 70% of maximum intensity is associated with a greater physiological sexual arousal response. Lower and higher levels of sympathetic nervous system activation are associated with decreased sexual arousal. Women who do high-intensity exercise more than once a day stress their bodies to such an extent that they stop wanting to have sex. The type of exercise is important too. Gentler, more mindful forms of exercise, such as yoga and Pilates, seem to be particularly beneficial.

If your wife has started to work out twice a day, she is probably a lot fitter and slimmer than she was three months ago. This might have had a positive effect on her sexual confidence. In 2010, when Yasisca Pujols was a student at the University of Texas, she worked with Meston on a paper that explored the association between sexual satisfaction and body image in women. Women who were happier with their bodies enjoyed sex more, whereas women who were not happy with their bodies worried about their appearance to such an extent that during sex distracting self-critical thoughts made it much harder for them to relax, engage, and enjoy the experience.

Try to enjoy your wife's new-found confidence with her. And do not worry too much about keeping up with her voracious appetite. As soon as she is back on the daily commute and/or the school run, she is unlikely to have the time or the energy to work out twice a day and your sex life will probably decrease accordingly.