A mistress dispeller can help deal with a cheating husband
Most women, on discovering their man is cheating, will either chuck him out or walk away. Some, fearing the consequences of confrontation, say nothing and hope the fling won’t last. In China, wives have another option. They can hire mistress dispellers whose mission it is to lawfully remove the competition from the equation.
Weiqing is a mistress dispelling company with 59 branches across China. Its director, Shu Xin, recently told the New York Times that they investigate the other woman, then send in an employee to befriend her. Once he establishes — and it’s usually a he — whether she’s in the affair for love, sex or security, a plan is drawn up with the goal of ending the affair.
If the job is done correctly, neither the mistress nor the husband finds out that the scorned wife knows and is bent on separating them.
To befriend the other woman, the mistress dispeller may rent a place in her apartment block or join a club she’s in. To get her to end the affair, he may help her to get a job in a distant city or arrange to have her wooed by a man who’s kinder, smarter, wealthier, or better looking than the one she’s with.
There is a code of conduct. Seducing the mistress in a bid to lure her from the married man is off limits, as is hurting or threatening to hurt her.
For sure there’s little that’s savoury about the business of mistress dispelling. But it’s probably no less unpleasant than the behaviour it was created to crush. At the heart of both activities lies deception and betrayal. In that way, it’s a karmic solution of sorts.
Unfortunately, being the target of a mistress dispeller is not the worse fate the ‘other woman’ can befall. Some wives pay hooligans to scare off mistresses using threats and blackmail. Others pay to have her face disfigured with acid. The rationale for this savagery is that the husband won’t want a woman whose looks have been destroyed.
Of course not all scorned women hire others to vamoose the competition. Street attacks on mistresses of the sort that involve, stripping, hair-cutting, kicking and name-calling have been carried out in daylight by cheated upon wives and their female friends. Puyang, Yulin, and Jinan are just some of the Chinese cities in which reports of this sort of thuggery have been reported.
Compared with those alternatives, the mistress does all right for herself when the dispeller is finished with her. Typically, she ends up with a new lover or a new job. As for the lost affair, she wouldn’t have shelved it for either, had her heart been in it.
The cheating husband also gets off lightly. He never has to face the dreaded ‘we need to talk’ conversation initiated by an outraged wife armed with evidence of his philandering. For sure, he loses his lover, but at least he gets to benefit from the tips his spouse has been taught by the mistress dispeller on ways in which to better please him.
Why any wife would want to be more pleasing to a cheat is a puzzle. But wanting and doing are two different things, and chances are the Chinese women who do it to keep their husbands are no doormats. It’s likely they do it from necessity; out of fear of being turned out onto the street should the man decide to end the marriage and marry the mistress instead.
This is a very real fear in China since the Supreme Court ruled in 2011 that following divorce, property reverts to the party who owned it before the marriage took place. The fact that the family home is usually in the man’s name in China is something that terrifies the cheated wives. That and the fact that China’s divorce rate rose by 27% between 2011 and 2014.
On the wisdom of hiring a mistress dispeller — which typically costs a minimum of $40,000 — relationship psychologist Martyn Stewart, believes that for those with unlimited amounts of cash it may sound like a good idea.
“It’s non-invasive, you don’t have to deal with any messy aftermath and with a little luck, the mistress will disappear like a bad odour in the midst of a sharp spray of air freshener,” he says. “But in reality, there’s a problem with that line of thought, as there aren’t just two types of men, as in bad men who cheat and good men who don’t.” Stewart asserts there are 27 different types and he describes them in his book Why Men Really Cheat.
“If the cheat’s a ‘guilty conscience’ type’ he may be thankful if his mistress disappears. He may have been feeling bad about the affair and he may have wanted to break up with her because of that.
“If he’s a ‘chameleon’, he’s living a ‘double life’ with his mistress, which might mean that he won’t give her up so easily, even if she does move away. He may fight to maintain that life and not just let her move on. This could cause the woman who hired the mistress dispeller’s relationship a whole other set of problems she didn’t anticipate.” As for why men cheat Stewart says: “They decide whether to cheat or not based on the unique justification that they find within their own minds and environments. For example, if a man knows his wife won’t leave him if he cheats, should she be surprised if he does?” If men are complex, so too are women. Explaining that females ‘who go against the stereotype’ can be their own worst enemies, he adds: “With their own behaviour, they can justify the reason why men cheat.” Of course not all men cheat. Of that truth Stewart says: “All men are not the same and women need to stop thinking that they are. Humans are habitual. We leave patterns of behaviour in the things that we do. We may be able to hide our traits for a while, but good or bad they will present themselves at some point.” The psychologist has little time for the behaviour of scorned wives who turn to mistress dispellers: “A cheating husband is no justification for the invasion of privacy, manipulation and lies that go hand in hand with setting a mistress dispeller to work,” he says.
As for what lurks beneath the outward dynamic of a typical couple, Stewart is less than sanguine: “A central component to a healthy relationship is true self-disclosure without judgement or ridicule. As most relationships do not have this, it’s usual for one or both partners to live in a state of perpetual fear.”
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