So, Graham Norton... The West Cork superstar talks acting, terrible guests and surviving lockdown
Graham Norton's new book Home Stretch is out now. Picture Sophia Spring
It’s a bit weird when you answer the phone and the person at the other end says, “Oh hi, it’s Graham”, and it’s that Graham Norton off the telly.
Here is one of the most recognisable voices in all our lives, going back to the early 90s when he danced into view as Fr Noel Furlong in an unforgettable slice of Father Ted on Channel 4. Since then, he’s done radio, Eurovision, talent shows and of course his juggernaut of a chat-show that has just returned to BBC One.
So, what’s he like on the phone? He’s incredibly like himself. People love Graham Norton on the telly because he never looks like he is at work. He has this ability to make it look like the gossipy conversation he just had with Madonna is the same as the chat he’ll have with his driver on the way home after the show. Or a journalist from the Irish Examiner on a Tuesday afternoon.
Our 40 minutes on the phone is mainly him being open, funny, generous, mixed in with a nice bit of bitchy and pass remarkable. For example, when I tell him I’m glad The Graham Norton Show is back on Friday nights, he says, “Sure don’t you have the Late Late”, with a twinkle in his voice suggesting it’s far from decent chat shows you were reared.’ Classic Graham Norton.
Which is why his new novel, Home Stretch, came as such a surprise. I was expecting some kind of high-camp satire, full of set-piece capers and throwaway comments. In fact, it’s a lovely slow-burn of a read, with characters and concerns that will be familiar to anyone who grew up in small-town Ireland.
Why is Graham the author more serious than Graham off the telly? "The things I enjoy most are the relationships between people, and people's inner lives and inner monologues,” he replied.
“And I'm interested in stories. The first book I wrote was a cosy crime, murder mystery. Those have a structure, you find a body, halfway through you find another body, then the detective is in danger at the end.
"The story had bones, it had scaffolding, I knew I could follow that. The story in Home Stretch centres around Connor, who leaves the fictional West Cork town of Mullinmore and flourishes in the bright lights of London and New York."
I ask him if Mullinmore is based on any town in particular. “There are bits of Skibb [Skibbereen] in it, little bits of Bantry. It's a composite of those small Irish towns.” Does it contain traces of his own life, given that he left Bandon to make his name in London?
"I didn't leave, I ran away! I got out of Dodge. It's why I like the Home Stretch title - it's because you go away, but you never really get away. Someone asked, why do I set my books in Ireland? I don't know anywhere else.
"When I drive along a road in Ireland, and see a house, I have a good idea what that house looks like on the inside, I know what that kitchen might look like, what it might smell like, I know the sort of conversation going on in that house.
"Whereas, if I'm driving through Salisbury, I don't know what that kitchen looks like, I have no idea what they're talking about. I don't know those people. I live in a weird London bubble. Most people in London come from somewhere else, that's kind of the point of it. People go to London to get lost - that's what we all did there."
I tell him the press release for the book that says he is from Clondalkin, which will come as a surprise to people in Cork.
"It will also come as a surprise to people in Clondalkin! I think I left there when I was under two. My Dad worked for Guinness, we got transferred around a lot. But Bandon was where I went to primary and secondary school, that's where my sister and her kids and mother are.
So I guess, I've been in West Cork for 45 years. When I came back, I found a place an hour from Bandon, which I felt was good distance. Near enough, it's not like I'm hiding, but not so close you can pop in for a cup of sugar.”
He normally spends two months a year in West Cork (this year it’s four months.) “I like it here. I'm slightly more exotic because I work on TV. But I'll recognise the woman who works on the till in SuperValu, I'll recognise the butcher, everyone is a bit famous in Bantry.
It makes more sense than walking down Oxford Street and having dozens and dozens of strangers knowing who you are. I'd certainly keep my head down, there. You don't want to go looking for trouble."
The Graham Norton Show is back in the studio but he’s not expecting big Hollywood stars to appear in person. “That won't happen. A big star will be so cocooned, if they get sick, and shut down production, that costs million and millions of dollars. The show will be different, but it will still be better than being in my back-bedroom, talking to a computer."
He’s hoping they can have a limited audience for this run. “People say, ‘it's better with an audience’. I say, we know!! That's why we’ve had an audience for the last 20 years. It would be worse if we discovered it was better without an audience. What a waste of time that was?!! I'm interviewing performers and actors, professional show-offs. They want an audience to laugh at their jokes."
He refuses to name any nightmare guests but admits that some people aren’t great at it. “The ones I feel sorry for are the ones who are big fans of the show, and they come on and you can see their heads hurting, thinking it's not very good tonight. And it's because, ‘you're awful’,” says Graham, sticking the knife in a bit.
I wonder would he every resurrect Fr Noel and go back into acting? "I think that ship has sailed. When I'm very, very, very old, they'll probably wheel me out to do some Shakespeare. That's what they tend to do with old comics. When comics are 80, they make them play a fool in some old Shakespeare thing."
Did he find lockdown stressful? “When it began, we didn't know where it was going to end up. Would there be piles of bodies in the street? That was very stressful. Then we sort of calmed down. People who are furloughed, their anxiety levels are much much higher. Whereas I still do the radio show and the TV show, and working on the end of the book. There was a sort of normality in my life, so it wasn't that stressful.
"Once I'd quarantined here I was able to see family and things. I did one Zoom quiz, it was just noisy and annoying and then I had drinks with friends on Zoom a couple of times. It just seems a bit pathetic. I'm quite happy to read a book or watch telly and have a drink. It's not like I need an excuse to drink - I'll be fine!!”
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