American Comedian Joan Rivers who passed away yesterday at 81 has left hilarious instructions for her funeral service in her book, I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me, published in 2012.
The Fashion Police star requests were as follows …
"I want my funeral to be a huge showbiz affair with lights, cameras, action. I want Craft services, I want paparazzi and I want publicists making a scene! I want it to be Hollywood all the way."
"I love funerals! To me a funeral is just a red carpet show for dead people. It's a chance for mourners from all walks of life to accessorize basic black, and to make a fashion statement that is bold enough to draw attention away from the bereaved but subtle enough so that no one knows that it's happening. And, it's a great way to have fun."
"I don't want some rabbi rambling on; I want Meryl Streep crying, in five different accents."
"I don't want a eulogy; I want Bobby Vinton to pick up my head and sing 'Mr. Lonely.'"
Weekend at Bernie’s anyone?
"I want to look gorgeous, better dead than I do alive. I want to be buried in a Valentino gown and I want Harry Winston to make me a toe tag."
"When I die (and yes, Melissa, that day will come; and yes, Melissa, everything's in your name)…"
"As I get older, I'm going to a lot more funerals, and let me tell you something, it's a great pick-up scene. A graveside funeral is live eHarmony for the bereaved."
"And I want a wind machine so that even in the casket my hair is blowing like Beyoncé's."
Its all about that hair flip.
But setting aside the laughs, in a rare moment of seriousness, Joan Rivers had addressed the subject of her death with her daughter Melissa just before one of her cosmetic sugeries.
She talked about the fact she was genuinely happy with what she has achieved in life, and gives us one of our personal favourite Joan River’s quotes: “Life is so much fun, it’s one big movie”.
But of course, Joan being Joan, she quickly added during the special moment that the only thing that makes her sad is that her grandson Cooper is not gay “If I die, who is going to want my show tunes collection?”
Oh Joan … love her or hate - her she never failed to make us laugh!