Out of the darkness, into the light: Mary Coughlan on building bridges and banishing her demons
Hilarious, witty, self- deprecating, honest and mindful are just some of the words people have used to describe Mary Coughlan.
However, as she admits herself there was a time when people were less complimentary, but she’s done a lot of “bridge building” since then and is now focussed on “peace and reconciliation”.
With a wickedly sharp tongue and a sense of absolute honesty, Mary speaks of her dark days as something that she now, with the help of a lot of therapy, understands.
Clean of all drink and drugs for almost two decades, Mary explains that she now sees her years as an addict as an attempt to survive her past.
In fact, she believes it’s her honesty about these struggles that see people warm to her. “I’m not normal by any stretch of the word, I’m probably quite insane to be honest but people’s reaction to me is something that surprises me.
“I suppose I haven’t had a normal life, there have been some dark days. Personally, and in relation to the drink I haven’t had a dark day in 19 years, so I’ve been building bridges since then.
“Everything that has happened has been a part of my journey. I was a different person until I hit 30 when the drink took over. I went around life the hard way some times but I survived it.
“It was really bad for about eight or nine years and of that the really dark part lasted about four years, but there you go.
“It’s over now but I do think about it, a lot, sometimes every day, but it never stops me doing anything.
“There was a lot of pain to be worked through and a lot of healing to be done, but it’s done.”
While some might wallow and hang on to past hurts, Mary said that a recent article she read by American author Maya Angelou struck a chord with her. “The piece said that ‘Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host’. It made me think,” admits Mary, “what’s the point in mulling over things?”
One forgotten hurt that will shock a lot of people is that Mary’s feud with ex-husband Frank Bonadio and his former girlfriend Sinead O’Connor is over and done with.
To the extent that along with all of their children, the three have celebrated Christmas together for the past few years and arranged sleepovers for their youngest children and grandchildren.
When pressed on why the one time fiery situation is now forgotten, Mary laughs and says: “People might be shocked by that, but what’s the point in holding on to stuff?
“If you stay bitter and twisted nobody really knows about it but yourself.”
But what about love? A dirty laugh later and Mary asks “What the fuck is love?”.
Although happily involved with New Zealander John Kelly, Mary explains that they split their time between Ireland and New Zealand depending on who’s working where. “We met when I was doing a show in New Zealand, we had a mad passionate affair and then about a year later he moved over here. Now he comes over here, I go over there, I work, he works and it works.”
Talk of work brings up the fact that between now and the end of October, she will visit over 10 countries for gigs, but don’t be mistaken that a singer as successful as Mary is comfortable financially.
With brutal honesty Mary admits that she didn’t work for the first three months of the year and was worried, saying: “In this business everything is gig to gig. I’ve spent my money on things like my house so I’m in the same financial position as everyone else, with the same worries, except it’s worse because I’m 57 and have no pension!
“Well I suppose I’ll have the state pension. If I’m working for three months and then doing nothing for three months I’ve nothing left, I’ve never had a regular income in more than 30 years.
“I went to the bank recently to sort out a few things and the only regular income I’ve ever had has been my children’s allowance for my youngest son Cian. The money just isn’t there anymore.”
Looking to the future, Mary has recently finished an album which she hopes to release in mid-September and then hopefully release a charity single for Christmas. News of which is delivered with typical grace, “I have a beautiful Christmas song and so I want to give it to someone and raise a few quid, maybe Crumlin or somewhere like that.
“I’m not great at that side of the business, but before that and after the gigs I’m going to go and have some ‘me time’.
“Lie by a pool somewhere reading books and just being good to myself.”
We certainly think she deserves it.
* This interview appears in the current Irish Country Magazine
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