TV review: The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives should really be called Soft Swinging

The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. Picture: Fred Hayes/Disney

The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives (Disney+) should be called Soft Swinging. That’s the only reason we’re watching.

It’s a take on the jaded reality genre, Good Looking American Women Being Bitchy To Each Other in Their Huge Houses. This features a group of 20-something women in Utah, successful influencers thanks to barely suggestive dance routines, with an occasional appearance by a goofy husband. 

They broadened their appeal when they collaborated under the banner #MomTok — cue more choreographed dance routines with the secret sauce that these women were all Mormons. So you could be a bit judgey as well because Mormon wives aren’t supposed to be doing barely suggestive dance routines.

Then #MomTok’s secret sauce got an upgrade. One of the moms, Taylor, revealed that some of the moms were into ‘soft-swinging’,

This was an arrangement between a group of couples that they could swap partners for hanky-panky, but no one went ‘all the way’ unless their spouse was also in the room. I don’t know what the difference is between this and hard-swinging, and I don’t want to know. The revelation blew up #MomTok with the other women insisting they weren’t in on the swinging.

This all happens before the TV show. The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives is the story of a few of them trying to patch it back together, presumably for the same reason Noel and Liam Gallagher decided to let bygones be fooking bygones.

The problem is, there isn’t any story. There is a lot happening, but it doesn’t make any sense. Two of the moms meet in a an incredibly well-lit cafe and bitch about Taylor before she arrives, at which point they are all over her. 

So, were these two moms into swinging? Sorry if this sounds shallow, but that’s all I want to know. 

Meanwhile, Whitney is trying to rebuild trust after her partner, Conner, was caught being naughty on Tinder. (Who trusts someone whose name mean He Who Cons?) Does this mean he was in on the swinging? We’re not told.

My wife finally lost it when Taylor announced to the two moms that she would have to take a pregnancy test later. Who schedules a pregnancy test? This is all time-wasting, scripted moments to try and inject a bit of drama.

Then something does happen. Taylor gets arrested for domestic violence. But the storytelling is so bad we can’t figure out if it happens during the story or before they started filming.

This show is an empty promise to tell us what happened in the Mormon swinging circle. I don’t think they are going to tell us. I’m not even sure it happened.