TV review: Why I doubt I’ll watch episode two of Those About to Die

And there just isn’t enough Anthony Hopkins in it

Jóhannes Haukur Jóhannesson as Viggo and Moe Hashim as Kwame in Those About To Die. Picture: Reiner Bajo/Peacock

There are plenty of dodgy accents in Those About to Die (Prime). And there just isn’t enough Anthony Hopkins. 

He could have been on screen as Roman emperor Vespasian, doing Anthony Hopkins stuff, when instead we had a clearly Mediterranean-looking woman speaking in the kind of Scottish accent you’d get from a tartan tin of shortbread. 

And then there are the three Spanish lads trying to sell horses to the charioteers in the Circus Maximus, speaking English with a Spanish accent that isn’t far enough away from Manuel in Fawlty Towers to keep me from giggling.

But this was the way I felt watching episode one of Game of Thrones. That was preposterous too, with everyone speaking in Historic Speak, where every line is delivered as if it was a pronouncement from some po-faced emperor. But three episodes in, you couldn’t take your eyes off it.

I got an inkling of that at the start of Those About to Die. It’s all there. Lavish ancient cities, slavery, dodgy bookies, conniving siblings, and unnecessary group sex.

Is it any good? Not really. Hopkins is solid as the old emperor at the end of his life. He doesn’t have a dodgy accent.

His squabbling sons seem familiar. The older one, Titus, is brooding and serious and manly and has the hots for a Judean queen who seems to hold the whip-hand. The young brother Domitian is spiteful and conniving, designed to be disliked by the viewer, which is unusual in the 21st century as he is openly gay.

There is a story about an African family being led into slavery in Rome which feels like a Disney movie.

Iwan Rheon as Tenax. Picture: Reiner Bajo/Peacock

That’s probably why I didn’t fall for this show. It’s just too American. Game of Thrones was basically English. Everyone was sarcastic and conniving and the only message was to sit back and enjoy the awfulness. The accents were mainly English and for all the dragons and ju-ju about ravens, it was a rollicking take on Europe in the Middle Ages.

There are too many nice people in Those About to Die. Go beyond Hopkins and a few other actors and the characters are paper-thin cartoon types, delivering plot exposition rather than any insights into their personality. Is it OK to say that all the ancient Romans look the same to me? A lot of them do here.

There is no surprise death or plot twist in the opening episode. It’s almost like they got stuck sticking to the historical truth.

I doubt I’ll watch episode two.