Tom Dunne: Oh Damon, so you didn't even drive your own car?

The Taylor Swift comments got the headlines, but I was stunned by some of the other comments in that infamous interview

It wasn't just Damon Albarn's comments on Taylor Swift that piqued Tom Dunne's interest.  Picture: Yui Mok/PA Wire

Life observation: You’d be surprised how many singers can’t drive. I could name some Irish ones but they’d seek me out. “No need for people to know that, Tom,” they’d say defensively. Police arrests, dodgy hairstyles, still dressing as a teen in the queue for ‘superannuation jab’, all fine, but don’t mention the driving thing.

I suspect deep down this does not reflect well on vocalists. I imagine even the most cursory interaction with any kind of development expert would see a red flag here. “I see you don’t drive, Mr Singer?” they’d say. “No,” the singer would laugh, “never really got around to it.” Damon Albarn, of Blur, is a former resident of said club.

 I say ‘of Blur’ purely as a courtesy to you, in case you’ve wandered into this column accidentally. Damon himself would not thank me for the ‘of Blur’ bit. “That was so long ago,” he’d say curtly, “I have done other stuff, you know!” 

He learned to drive during the lockdown. He’s 53 now so that means he was probably 51 when he took the leap. Brave yes, it gets harder the longer you leave it, but still, it took a pandemic. At least the roads would have been quiet.

He revealed this is an interview with the LA Times. Yes that interview. It was taking place on the roof of an LA hotel, in the LA sunshine with an LA journalist. The first, ‘break the ice’, question concerned whether or not if he liked LA? A nod here would have worked wonders, but no.

He could have said, “I haven’t spent much time here,” or, “generally I’m too busy to get much beyond the hotel room.” But alas, like a bitter aunt casting aspersions on a child’s artwork, he announced, “It’s actually been my least favourite place for the last 30 years.” Ok Damon, game on.

He went on to explain that this was because, previously, unable to drive, he’d never really gotten out of West Hollywood. But now, his newly minted N plates flapping in the Santa Ana breeze, he was coming to see there was more to it that the view from his hotel window.

This is fairly galling. It’s like judging Ireland on the basis of a weekend spent at Limerick Junction. LA, the city of the Beach Boys, Venice Beach, the Film Studios, the Tar Pits, Surfing, the TLC Chinese Theatre. LA, a city rarely described without use of the word ‘sprawling’, and rarely enjoyed without, well, a car.

“Jaysus,” the interviewer must have thought, “if he’s this ornery in the preamble what will be he like when I throw in Taylor Swift, the Rolling Stones still touring at their age, or Blur fans wanting to celebrate Blur album anniversaries? We’ll be trending by tea time!” And they were.

Time will tell how serious the repercussions of his Taylor Swift remarks prove to be. Swift, like Noel Furlong in Father Ted, has let it be known that she is putting him on her list of enemies. Rumours of her whispering darkly, “You’re in for it now, Damon” remain unconfirmed.

But as Taylor Swift ‘sleeper cells’ were awakening all over America and Damon’s photograph was being pinned to whiteboards in basements under the words, ‘Of Blur’, my mind kept going back to the driving bit: How did he manage to avoid driving until he was 51?

How did he pull that off? He became a dad in 1999. How did he opt out of supermarket runs, driving his new family to meet the grandparents or later on helping out with school runs, birthday parties or Cuala trips?

When his partner was, shall we say, ‘inconvenienced’ after the birth, did he offer to get the car keys for her when they needed nappies or Sudocrem at 3am? How did he avoid his partner looking him in the eye and saying, “It would be handy if you could do this too?” He is not alone in this boat. Ricky Gervais, Robbie Williams, Freddie Mercury, Mariah Carey and Noel Gallagher have all owned cars but couldn’t drive. Charlie Watts collected cars but only ever sat in them.

I won’t lie, this disappoints me a little. Music keeping the child in you alive is one thing, but when the child is in their mid-50s and still climbs in the back I’m not so sure it’s a good look.