Mum's the Word: Maintaining a child’s normal relationships in an abnormal world

Alison Curtis: "As parents, we have put great importance on teaching our children how to build and maintain friendships. And now we have to find a way for them to maintain the friendships that bring so much joy to our kids."

Something that has come up a lot in the past week now that the weather has improved and kids are tempted to be outside playing is how to get them to manage to stay apart while enjoying each other’s company.

We live very close to our neighbours. My daughter Joan has one pal right beside us and one of her best friends lives directly across from us.

So unlike her other pals who she doesn’t cross paths with it is very hard for her when she sees these two and can’t understand why they can’t play together.

As adults, we can easily have our two meters apart chats with relative ease. It does admittedly still feel strange to constantly be aware of actual meters between us but we can do it.

Plus we are interested in just talking, kids aren’t. They want to be doing something together, playing.

Over the past week, I have lost track of the number of fights and meltdowns Joan and I have had about her not being allowed to just hang out in our front yard all day when her next-door pal is outside too.

I don’t feel comfortable unless I am out there with her making sure they are maintaining a safe distance and quite honestly I don’t want to do it all day long. I have other things I have to get done in the house.

So we are trying to come up with some sort of arrangement whereby we have time in front of the house twice a day and for short periods of time. I need to set some realistic expectations for Joan all the while being aware that this is a very hard concept for kids to grasp.

I also, however, feel that it is so important that she regularly gets an opportunity to have little chats with her pals. It is important to maintain friendships and to have conversations with people who aren’t her parents or other adults. To have fun basically.

We have spent so much time and effort up until this point encouraging our kids to be social beings.

As parents, we have put great importance on teaching our children how to build and maintain friendships. And now we have to find a way for them to maintain the friendships that bring so much joy to our kids.

Although my daughter, as I mentioned last week, seems less enamored with Facetiming these days, once she is on a call her mood lifts and she has great fun. She has been in contact with her cousin daily and so many of her classmates since schools closed and like adults, some of the chats go on for hours others are short bursts but all uplifting.

Another thing we have started doing is writing to friends. We are holding onto the letters and adding to them and she plans to hand them over in a bunch once we are all allowed to congregate together again.

I feel this is helping her feel she is staying connected.

In regards to her pals on the street for the first few days they were near one another it did feel chaotic and I worried they were getting too close at times. So we have since set up chairs for them so when Joan is at one end of the yard her friends can sit at the other end and they can have a chat. The rule is they have to stay near their allocated chair.

None of this feels normal for us as parents or for kids, despite being called the new normal. However, it is completely necessary and it won’t last forever.

We just have to support our kids in a different way in making sure they keep social, stay connected to pals and feel comfortable in the new normal.