Dear Louise: My partner of five years doesn't love me but we still live together

He says that he doesn’t want to lie about his feelings. He doesn’t pay compliments but I wonder is this normal? Is saying he loves me that important? (In reality he does but isn’t sure what love is.) We are in our late 40s, but he won’t commit to a future. I can understand why, but is it OK to live like this?

Mon, 09 Mar, 2020 - 09:42

Louise O’Neill

My partner of five years says he doesn’t love me. He told me this three years ago, yet we still live together, parent, and share our lives together and are intimate. He says that he doesn’t want to lie about his feelings. He doesn’t pay compliments but I wonder is this normal? Is saying he loves me that important? (In reality he does but isn’t sure what love is.) We are in our late 40s, but he won’t commit to a future. I can understand why, but is it OK to live like this?

There's a relationship guide I really like called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. The book outlines the five ways that people express their love for their partners; through Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.