Mum's the Word: I have a confession: I never wanted sons. I wanted daughters

When I was pregnant with Joan, I knew she was a girl. We didn’t find out the gender of the baby, but I just knew. Or else, I so badly wanted a girl, I convinced myself that is exactly what we were having.

For about 48 hours, around the 20-week scan, my husband and I thought we might need a boy’s name, just in case. In our minds, instead of it being a 50/50 chance, it was like a 93% chance of our baby being a girl and 7% a boy.

Now, I am going to be very controversial here and possibly get myself into trouble, but I only wanted a girl.

I didn’t want a little boy. Isn’t that awful of me?

There are so many women and couples struggling to get pregnant and I had this thought for eight months. And I felt badly about it, too.

But I come from a ‘girl’ family, if that makes sense. I have a twin sister, dozens of female cousins, and only had blood aunts, as both my parents had only sisters.

My mother was one of four amazing, strong, kind, and hilarious women and my father had two incredibly intelligent, dynamic, and kind sisters.

My grandparents came from families of girls; my father’s mother was also one of four women. So, it was a ‘girl’ family.

Truth be told, and I have spoken about this before, I dreamed of having two girls.

Even after my big health scare having Joan, and for her first few years, I had a spare gal’s name in my back pocket, in case I ever got up the courage to try again.

Wanting two girls, I think, comes from being one of two girls. As adults, we crave what we came from and what we know. So, when she did arrive, by emergency cesarian section, at exactly 3:30, May 4, 2011, and the doctors delivering her said, “It’s a girl,” I said, “I thought so.”

I have felt guilty that I might have been disappointed had she been a boy. It was only until my friend, who has three boys, admitted she would have hated having daughters, did I feel a bit better. Her exact words: “I’m designed for boys!”

It is such a strange thing to feel, though, and for a few reasons. First of all, as I mentioned, you feel ungrateful for feeling this, knowing the struggles so many couples have to have families of their own.

Secondly, and importantly, so many of the people I have loved most in my life are remarkable men.

My father was like no other person and, to this day, even though he passed in 1989, so many people say they never got over losing him.

I have wonderful, adoring uncles, and two fantastic cousins, who I call brothers.

My husband is the sweetest, most thoughtful man I have ever known, and so many of my best friends have been guys.

But when it came to being a parent, I thought I would know what ‘to do’ with a girl and not with a boy.

Which is nonsense, as each child is an individual, with differing needs, wants, likes, and dislikes.

Another thing is, I am, and have always been, vocal on women and men being equal, but different. We haven’t raised Joan in a sea of pink and a closet full of dolls.

We don’t believe in there being girls’ things and boys’ things; kids just like what they like and they are who they are!

So, in my pregnant brain, being so specific as to what I wanted really went against anything I stood for before.

I would have been happy either way and to know I was so fortunate to have a happy, healthy child. But, at the same time, I am SO happy I have a daughter.