Ask Audrey: Guten tag. Vot the f**k is the story with your cycle lanes?

'Ask Audrey' has been the newspaper's hysterical agony aunt “for ages, like”.

I’m on the committee for Model Farm Road Residents Who Would Like to Make It Quite Clear We’re Not Racists. We’re holding a coffee morning in my house this Sunday, wall-to-wall high net worth individuals, to raise funds for a new direct provision centre on the far side of Ballincollig, or maybe somewhere on the northside. There are still a few tickets left if anyone is interested — I’ve an enormous house really — and this would be a fantastic opportunity for a bit of networking over nibbles. We’re great admirers of your cheeky column here on the MFR (Model Farm Road) and would you like to come along and say a few words? — Dora, MFR, any chance you could bring a photographer from the ‘Examiner’?