Praise over punishment: Irish parents least strict in Europe - study

Helen O’Callaghan says we are the least strict in all of Europe.

Irish parents are more likely to praise children, less likely to overreact to naughtiness, and tend to take a more relaxed approach to parenting than European counterparts, according to research.

The My Nametags (mynametags.ie) study compared the attitudes of thousands of European parents of children aged 16 and under. It found that 64% of Irish parents praised children — more than any other EU country.

And while one in four European parents quickly lose their temper over misbehaviour, only 18% of Irish parents do.

Fewer than 50% of parents in Ireland adhere to mealtime rules and make their children eat ‘grown-up’ food — 10% fewer than in Italy. In Portugal, 60% of parents keep rigorous bedtime routine — in Ireland, fewer than half do.

But while we might commend ourselves for a positive parenting approach, are there any caveats? Joanna Fortune, psychotherapist and author of 15 Minute Parenting, The Quick and Easy Way to Connect with your Child, says we must praise mindfully — for it benefit children, it must be specific.

“Rather than enthusing about how your child’s the next Picasso and their little finger painting is ‘the best painting ever’, you’d be better to talk about the colours they carefully picked and how you really like the shapes they made.

Making praise specific is encouraging. It builds self-esteem.

“Generic, over-the-top praise infers only being the best is good enough.”

Fortune prefers ‘boundaried’ to ‘strict’: strict conjures images of rigidity, whereas boundaried is gentle yet firm, flexible yet reliable.

Children thrive on boundaries. It’s reassuring for them to know their safe, trusted adult-in-charge will keep them safe and ensure situations don’t get out of control.

This, she says, is why mealtime boundaries — ‘you can choose not to eat your food, but you must stay at table until we’re all finished’ and no screens at table — and having calm, predictable bedtime routines benefit children.

Irish parents use ‘silent treatment’ and grounding as discipline methods more than parents in other EU countries.

Fortune warns against punishing children with silence. “It’s damaging, rejecting, and anxiety-provoking for them.

Effective discipline teaches behaviour you want rather than punishing behaviour you don’t want.”

She urges always securing an emotional connection, before moving towards behavioural correction.