Lindsay Woods: 'On paper, I would say I’m averaging a strong rating of ‘Adequate’'

Recently, I ran into a woman who I had known as a teenager. Her appearance was immaculate whilst I looked like I had wrestled with a disgruntled cete of rabid badgers. We chatted for several minutes about life, work etc. She is incredibly successful and still as gracious as she was all those years ago.

It was only as we said our goodbyes that I realised that I had been gaping slack-jawed at her for a long enough period of time to make it both awkward and noticeable. As we parted ways, I am fairly certain that she floated away on a rainbow, bestowing good wishes upon the grateful and adoring public.