Stuck in the middle... Is Middle Child Syndrome really a thing?

By Jenny Sherlock

Is Middle Child Syndrome really a thing? Or do we use it to explain human behaviour, asks Jenny Sherlock.

The phenomenon of “Middle-child syndrome”, while not a psychological issue in the traditional sense, goes some way towards explaining behaviours as it helps us to understand the way middle children process their position within the family and its associated benefits and drawbacks.

The middle child is often portrayed as a forgotten, lost individual who feels starved of attention while their siblings steal the limelight. We hear a lot about Middle-child syndrome and how those with older and younger siblings are somehow less fortunate than their counterparts. It is sometimes used by parents as a way to explain away negative behaviours in their middle child or by the child themselves to attract sympathy but is Middle-child Syndrome a real thing or is it just another pseudo-psychological way to explain human behaviour?

While it is unfair to generalise when we talk about children, there is some truth in the fact that we may perceive our place in the family differently depending on where we fall in order of birth rather than a difference in how we are actually treated, although not to the extent that some information on the topic would indicate.

As a middle child with three children of my own, I have some understanding of the differences in the way birth order can affect behaviour and perceived treatment, from the perspective of both parent and child.

Oldest children benefit from the fact that first time parents have more time to learn how to navigate their new role so may appear to be more attentive while youngest children enjoy the benefits of having parents with more experience, who tend to stress less about small things.

However, you could also argue that the opposite is true; that first-time parents are more cautious (and restrictive as a result) whereas subsequent parents might tend to be overly lenient (although that may be the perception rather than the reality).

Counselling psychotherapist Emer Loughrey believes that there are two perspectives which could be taken in relation to middle children: “The theory of middle child indicates that the parental time and attention get squeezed leaving the middle child with less love and affection than his/her siblings.

“However, one could easily argue that the middle child and those after receive the benefit of more experienced and improved parenting approaches, having made mistakes on the first.”

Birth order, specifically our understanding of it, is one of many aspects of a person which can contribute to his/her behaviour. Though it contributes to the way we see the world, it is overly simplistic to ignore other contributing factors such as life experience, financial and personal difficulties or education.

Emer also emphasises the role of life events in shaping our understanding of where we fit:

The other important aspect when making sense of the birth order is not to forget the role of traumatic events in the life span of a family as a system and considering the timing of these traumas during the developmental trajectory of the child alongside birth order.

Parents have a role in ensuring that a middle child feels no different to his/her siblings while still respecting their individuality.

Emer says, “It’s important to believe in the uniqueness of each child and also recognise their specific set of strengths and qualities that make them unique when parents take the time to communicate this to their children and openly validate their role and contribution to the family as a team birth order becomes far less relevant.”

‘Middle-child syndrome’ may be an invention of society to explain away certain behaviours. However, as a parent with a middle child, I feel a duty to be mindful of my son’s perception of where he fits within the family, even if I view it differently.

In terms of time and attention, I try to give equal amounts to all of my children, but they may see it differently, so it is important that I am aware of that.

It is important that we don’t place great importance on birth order and avoid labels that restrict us unnecessarily. Reinforcing a view that members of the family are valued and of equal importance is vital in ensuring that stereotypes do not define or influence children negatively.

Some well known middle children include Bill Gates — middle of three children, Britney Spears — middle of three children, Anne Hathaway — middle of three children, Jennifer Lopez — middle of three children and singer Madonna – third of six children.

Looking at them, I think we can agree that being a middle child is certainly not a barrier to success.