Lindsay Woods: 'Considering Gwyneth herself is in ownership of one, she has had considerable bad luck with the topic of vaginas. The backlash has been swift'

GWYNETH PALTROW eats burgers and drinks whiskey. Or so we are led to believe by the inclusion of such an admission in a recent interview, writes Lindsay Woods.

Lindsay Woods: 'Considering Gwyneth herself is in ownership of one, she has had considerable bad luck with the topic of vaginas. The backlash has been swift'

GWYNETH PALTROW eats burgers and drinks whiskey. Or so we are led to believe by the inclusion of such an admission in a recent interview, writes Lindsay Woods.

She says, ‘This is not about punishing my body for enjoying things like burgers and whiskey’. Ms Paltrow has a new book to promote — The Clean Plate.

The fact that she used the word ‘punish’ in regards to food speaks volumes of her attitude towards it. I sincerely doubt she is wrapping her chops around a quarter pounder or necking a Midleton Rare as a reward for her virtuous ways for the bulk of the year. I have an inkling that said reward will come in the form of a yoga retreat or such like. Which is utterly grand; if she would just admit to same instead of trying to endear herself to the masses: ‘See, I’m just like one of you. I eat meat patties sandwiched between bread. Like me, like me, buy my book.’

This, after all, is the same woman whose website advised inserting jade eggs into our nether regions. The $66 dollar egg promised to, ‘increase vaginal muscle tone, hormonal balance and feminine energy in general’, as outlined on her ‘Goop’ site. Now, what in the name of sweet Ryan Gosling is, ‘feminine energy’?

While Paltrow did not write the article herself, like many other such ludicrous oddities, it was published on her site.

Considering she herself is in ownership of one, she has had considerable bad luck with the topic of vaginas. Between the eggs, steaming, etc, the backlash has been swift. So, she has returned to peddling the clean eating chestnut. I mean, it is January after all.

She understands that, ‘life is messy’ and she wants to share her simple and tasty recipes to one and all. A quick scan through said recipes, calls for ingredients such as ‘watermelon radish’, ‘aleppo pepper’ and ‘coconut aminos’. She prefaces the ingredient lists with exclamations of, ‘This recipe is stupid easy’. Oh Gwyneth, you’re so funny.

Look, you don’t need me or a celebrity to preach to you about reducing our consumption of meat. If you have a brain and/or a conscience, you will have already made strides to do same to limit the end result of our planet effectively imploding. But I’ll be damned if I’m going to swallow any further tosh from someone who wanted me to sit over a hot pot of water filled with herbs for 45 minutes to ‘cleanse your uterus’ and ‘balance female hormone levels’. I only gained ownership of my uterus in 2018 Gwyneth — leave off.

On the other end of the, ‘it’s January, sort your life out brigade’, we have Maria Kondo. Specifically, her new Netflix offering, Tidying up with Marie Kondo. While she came to prominence with her book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, which was published in 2014, her show has given her a wider audience. I admire a lot of the basic principles she promotes: those who have adopted the method of KonMari-ing speak favourably of same. Her book offers practical advice on re-organising and streamlining. The show, does not. It is a bit of a wet kipper and makes for slightly squirmy viewing.

The tension between the first couple is palpable, as the stresses and strains of raising a young family and running a home take their toll. Kondo, arrives to aid them in their transition to a simple and more purposeful way of living. A veritable ‘Supernanny’ but, for tidying up. She shows the couple how to fold a few t-shirts and say, ‘thank you’, to items they no longer have a use for. The next we see of her is a week later, when she arrives with a few boxes in tow to show the couple how to compartmentalise items.

Where the show fails, is in its inability to display how the participants ultimately get about to enacting the methods. Instead, at the end of each episode, we are treated to a smiling Kondo (whose face incidentally, is pure sunshine) gratefully accepting the thanks from the couples whom she has helped. It’s all just a bit flat and uninspiring. Presumably, the idea is, if we see how it is done, we will do it, due to the nature of how we consume modern day content. But we never actually see it in action. So, for what it is worth, if you fancy a bash, have a gander at her book; the irony of this is not lost upon me, as Kondo views books as ‘clutter’. Maybe check it out in your local library instead.

‘Coconut aminos’ and KonMari-ing all make for heavy subjects to digest in January — I’d best take a nap.

@thegirlinthpaper

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