Ask Audrey: I’ll be looking to attract well-bred types from all over the world, except Waterford

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C’mere, what’s the story with being a laughing stock on Instagram. The old doll gave up her job to become an influencer, so our spare room is full of free moisturiser and I had to grow a beard, because you can’t influence people unless your fella do have a beard, according to her guru. (She have a guru.) She do be taking photos of her exotic lifestyle all day, even though we live in Tower, and the lads do be pissing themselves at work because half the photos are of me pretending to drink prosecco. (Emasculation, like.) How can I tell her I want to retire from the limelight?