Digital dads: Six bloggers challenge the traditional role of fathers
talks to six men whose blogs about parenting challenge traditional views about the role of fathers.
BECOMING a parent is one of life’s major events. A complex role, parents soon find they are celebrating the good days and venting about the tough ones — the uneaten meals, the tantrums in the supermarket, the why-won’t-he-sleep-through-the-night times.
It’s a rite of passage that leads many to reach out and connect with other parents online.
The beauty of blogging is that there are no rules, something that suits busy parents; you can write as little or as much as you like; do so as a sporadic hobby or serious business; create a personal brand or blog completely anonymously just for the sheer enjoyment.
Mum blogs have taken off all over the world — in Ireland, there’s a thriving community. But what about the dads?
In the run-up to Father’s Day, we take a look at Ireland’s small but perfectly formed dad blog community who are challenging our views about the role of fathers.
Alan, 42, is a stay-at-home dad to his son, 9, and daughter, 3, and two stepsons, 14 and 13, one of whom has additional needs. He started his blog when his daughter was born. “It was intended to be a parenting blog focusing on raising a girl with three older brothers,” says Alan.
“But over time I’ve realised that little girls aren’t that different from little boys.”
As a result, he has changed the blog name (from OMGItsagirl) and is now focusing on three areas: family /parenting, food, and life. He says these give him free rein to write about fashion, home décor, TV, music, or anything that comes into his head.
Alan’s blog is anonymous. “The only person from real life I’ve told about the blog is my sister in the US. No one else knows. My partner doesn’t know about it. It’s like my diary; I don’t mind complete strangers reading but no one close to me knows about it. My partner is barely mentioned, so it’s not that I’m secretly moaning about her. I think if she knew about it and read it then it might affect how and what I write.”
Ross Good, 40, is a stay-at-home dad, and in his case, it came about through a serious health scare.
“At the ripe age of 37, I was told I’d multiple signs of heart disease on both sides of my heart. It came as a huge shock. Thankfully I didn’t have a heart attack but I did end up with four stents.”
Ross says he went back to work, but it was too soon. “I just couldn’t focus. I was in sales but I wasn’t selling anything. I was driftwood. So I stood down, which hurt at the time. But there’s a silver lining here as it allowed me the opportunity to look after our girls, become a stay-at-home dad, and a daddy blogger. Best move ever.”
He writes about life as a stay-at-home dad to his two daughters Mia, 6, and Elle, 2, and living with stents.
With his wife Mel, he has just launched two children’s gift businesses, Booky Wooky and Daddy Bear Gifts. So does his wife ever question the amount of time he spends on blogging?
“Mel has been a great supporter and I get her to read most of my posts before I publish them. If anything, she tells me I should be doing more with it.”
Not all dad bloggers are stay-at-home parents — father-of-one Gavin Leonard, 35, is a consultant and business owner who blogs about his daughter Jade, 2, and about dressing up and exploring a variety of career options in a fun way.
“I suppose I started because I really wanted to document the time we are spending together as a family. I was also very keen to expose my daughter to lots of different careers at an early age — and I thought that dressing up together would be fun.
“NotJustAPrincess is a blog about female empowerment, and about creating strong role models for young girls like my daughter and teaching them that they can be whatever they want to be.”
So how do real-life friends react to his blog? “Most people have never seen that side of me so there is generally a bit of silence when I tell them about it, but everyone has been very supportive. Some ask me, ‘How do you have time?’, and ‘Are you not embarrassed?’ But now I’ve been doing it for a while I think my family and friends are used to seeing me dress up and act the fool online in the name of entertaining my daughter.”
Father-of-one Adam Yates, 23, also has a day job (as a fire-proofer) and uniquely among the dad bloggers featured, he shares his blog with partner Eileen.
Who does most of the writing? “It’s mostly Eileen but I do some of the reviews and stuff that piques my interest. I’d say she’d be happy if I did a bit more, to be honest. If I forget to publish anything, she thinks I’m slacking.”
They started it when their son Oscar was five months old. “It was something for us to do together to document his childhood and our experience as first time, clueless parents.”
He says most real-life friends don’t know he blogs. “Not telling people is a bit of a conscious decision but it hasn’t really come up either. I don’t know how I’d go about telling people, I feel like it’s a little diary, even if it’s online for the world to read.”
Like many dad blogs, Benny Finlay’s DaddyPoppins is comedy based. “It’s full of dad jokes, humorous interviews, fake news, funny poems, and my take on life as a stay-at-home dad.”
Benny, 38, gave up his job as an auctioneer to stay at home with his two children, referred to on the blog as Little Man, 8, and Boo, 2. “I see my blog as a platform and place to meet and interact with other people in similar situations. I hope to keep having fun, and make some money.”
Benny makes some income from blogging already and has recently done some freelance writing too.
And how do people react when they hear he’s a blogger?
“Most people are quite supportive of it especially when they realise how tongue-in-cheek my topics and tone are. I’m aware of change in public perception with regard to ‘influencers’ but it’s not something I’ve experienced in real life.
“I would never consider myself an influencer in that vein. I review products and services but tell it like it is. I won’t recommend something I can’t stand over.”
His wife is a big supporter of his writing, but occasionally wonders about the time he spends online.
“She’d like the ’end game’ — me earning from writing — but there’s plenty of networking and follower building required to get there.
“It’s difficult to say you’re ‘working’ when there’s no real money coming in and you’re laughing at a dad joke or parenting meme.”
Gary, 40, blogs relatively anonymously,referring to his three children as Thing 1, Thing 2, and Thing 3, in this style of Dr Suess.
He says DigitalDad covers a variety of topics. “It’s a combination of a fly-on-the-wall commentary, and the opinions, rants and feelings of a working dad of three boys.
“My Facebook page is a mix of my own thoughts, and jokes about parenting whereas on my website I cover broader topics. For instance, I have a stammer so I’ve written about this a bit, as well as mental health, allergies — my son has a severe nut allergy — tips for parents, and funny stories.”
‘Dads are getting out there more now’
GIVEN our small population, it’s not surprising that there is just a handful of dad blogs here. In Britain, 8% of the 8,000 parent blogs registered with the Tots 100 blog database are dad blogs. Some have huge fan bases, for example, Simon Hooper, (Father_of_Daughters) has 884,000 followers on Instagram, plus a book and a book tour. In the US, ThatDadBlog, written by father-of-six Alan Lawrence, has 90,000 followers on Instagram, while HowToBeADad — a humorous take on fatherhood — boasts 122,000 followers. But of the top 10 parenting “influencers” (according to Forbes.com), just one is a dad.
Why are there so many women blogging about parenting, and so few men? Here’s what Irish dad bloggers have to say:
- Ross Good (TheStentedPapa.com) says men are just less likely to share. “I’ve been the only dad in numerous groups with other mums, and mums love to share and hear what other mums have to say. Dads, however, not so much. Men, in general, tend to keep things bottled up so I’d imagine the idea of sharing their thoughts on the world wide web might send them into a state of shock and fear.”
- Gary F (DigitalDadDiary.com) thinks there are two factors. “Statistically there are more stay-at-home moms than dads so I would imagine this has something to do with it. Also, a lot of working mums — I’m married to one — seem to carry a self-imposed ‘mum guilt’ around with them, so again I imagine blogging is a good way to vent and share their thoughts on their individual situations.”
- Adam Yates (2NerdsAndABaby.com) has a simple explanation. “I guess maybe it’s always been seen that ‘mother knows best’ so a mother’s word was Gospel,” he says. “But dads are getting out there more now.”
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