I very much looked forward to being married; it was just the prep in general threw me off slightly

I am the eldest child and only daughter of my parents. Therefore, my mother was overly invested in the whole situation and came in hot, writes Lindsay Woods.

There is always one who will proclaim, “Shur, I live under a rock. I don’t have a clue about any of that carry-on!”

These are the people who know EXACTLY what is in fact, going on. They probably knew about it before the going-on even occurred. This faux, wide-eyed innocence is an almost passive aggressive dig as if to re-enforce their idea of superior notions.

So, unless you are that person or you do indeed reside under a rock (I’m sure it’s lovely and cool there in the humid weather), you will have been aware that today, the sixth in line to the British throne, Prince Henry of Wales (Prince Harry) will marry Ms Meghan Markle, thus declaring wedding season well and truly open.

The fascinator action will be appropriately hectic. Sculptural and spaghetti-type confections piled atop heads in varying hues. Mandarin collared frock coats and 10 denier tights in the shade ‘sand’, will undoubtedly feature heavily. I am there for all of it.

I am fond of a good wedding. As is my husband. In recent years, as is the ebb and flow of life, the invites to nuptials have been replaced with ones for christenings or notable birthdays. There was a time when the invites hit double digits within the space of one year. Now we relish the one or perhaps two we receive.

Given my enthusiasm for such occasions in general, you might be under the illusion that I approached my own wedding with as much gusto a number of years ago. In truth, I did not.

I very much looked forward to being married; it was just the prep in general threw me off slightly. I am the eldest child and only daughter of my parents. Therefore, my mother was overly invested in the whole situation and came in hot. Like, tropical storm hot.

Therefore, for me to make it through the hype and to the altar in a timely fashion: I employed the following tactic. I gave her one shot at everything. Thereby, she got the experience and I was able to organise everything within six months.

So, I booked one dress-viewing appointment, where the ladies in the salon kindly oiled her up with a bottle of fizz which prompted her to burst into tears when I stepped out in the first option.

“Listen!” she choked, “they are playing ‘The Canon’”… it’s a sign!” as she wept into her glass.

She was factually correct, there was a string quartet playing that very piece on Grafton St beneath the store at that very moment. I had already decided on it as the entrance music the week prior. As for it being serendipitous? I turned to the lady assisting me and said, “I’ll take this one, thank you. Just pour her another glass, she’ll be fine.”

From therein, I applied the rule of one. One wedding fair (she adored it), one visit to the stationers (“your invites set the tone for your wedding”), one visit to the venue etc. In many ways, this arrangement worked entirely for both of us; she managed to have the experience of all of the fripperies while allowing me to organise proceedings quickly due to reducing any and all unnecessary options.

She threw herself into preparations. My mother cannot operate a DVD player nor text, yet somehow, had obtained an Excel spreadsheet with a rather hefty guestlist to present to me. Upon seeing it, I booked the venue the next day: based upon the fact that they could only cater for 150 guests. When I advised her of same, she took to the list with a highlighter and red pen that would put a corrector of Leaving Cert papers to shame.

‘Radiant’ was the word used on the day. No, not in relation to me, but to my mother. I do not begrudge the use of that word for one second; she truly was. She beamed, laughed and danced her way throughout the entire occasion.

I, on the other hand, on walking up the aisle to greet my future husband, turned to him and through gritted teeth and a low hiss said, “You are lucky I walked up here after the way you spoke to me on the phone this morning!”

There had been an incident involving the cake, a story for another time. “Sorry,” he muttered.

I then told the shocked looking priest to, “Carry on father”.

The sun shone, we drank, we ate, we danced and then drank some more until almost 6am the following morning. It was a glorious day. Each year as our anniversary rolls around my mother wistfully says, “I would love to do it all over again”. I’d almost let her. She deserves it.

“Wooooooooody? How do you feel about vow renewals...”

I am the eldest child and only daughter of my parents. Therefore, my mother was overly invested in the whole situation and came in hot. Like, tropical storm hot