Ask Audrey: ‘I have fallen for this local bird even though her old man smells like Kinsale at low tide

Sorting out Cork people for ages

C’mere, what’s the story with being my old doll’s partner? We met on this dating site called Horny4Norry. It’s aimed at Douglas women who do be sick of listening to muscle-bound blokes called Hugo talking about rugby. We went to meet her friends in a cocktail bar last night. They do be fierce good looking despite their accents, and she said, ‘this is my new partner’. I said, partner do be something you have in pitch and putt — we do be doing it, in bed like, and last night in my Subaru. So what’s the deal here, am I her boyfriend or not? – Dowtcha Donie, Blackpool, she doesn’t be wanting me to meet her parents.