Great question. I agree with you 100%, which is bizarre really, given that you are from the northside. I asked my swotty nephew, Political Paul, if he thinks we are heading for conflict. He said the only thing that can stop it now is the quality of intelligence from our security services. I said you mean the guards. He said yes. I said where would be a good place to buy a bomb shelter?
No. (People know we’re struggling, because My Conor only works in the Central Statistics Office.) Sorry now, but paying someone to bake your child’s birthday cake is as common as a majorette’s hen party in Garryvoe. You’re nobody in Posh Cork these days if you don’t bake the cake from scratch. So, rather than throwing money at the problem, you will need a secret ingredient called motherly love. (Look it up.)
Never drive through Cappoquin with the windows open. (That’s mine.) I asked my friend Penny about this, she’s an expert in HR. She said you really need to change jobs. I said surely there isn’t an organisation out there that could tolerate his views on women. She said maybe try the Catholic Church. #Controversial.
Hi Gobnait. (I remember you from school — nice one on changing your name. ) I have a cousin, Blunt Brenda, she’s a nun. (Imagine.) I said what does God think of non-believers who get their children baptised? She said, he thinks it’s hilarious. I said why. She said because nothing is funnier than a new mom dressing too sexy, downing two bottles of Prosecco and spraining her wrist in a bouncy castle. I said, what are you talking about? She said, an Irish christening.
I get the same reaction in Macroom. It’s actually compulsory for every Irish person to head to the pub because it’s the first time it will be open on Good Friday since 1927. Although it mightn’t seem like such a good Friday when Stinger from Clonmel tries to lick your ear at closing time. (There’s a Stinger in every pub.)