Lindsay Woods: It started with the luxury party mix

It started with nuts. Specifically, honey glazed, coated in glitter and anointed by angels, luxury party mix nuts. “There’s about €20 worth of nuts in the trolley already? We don’t need any more nu…”

His voice trailed weakly off into the distance as he was met with eyes omitting laser beams like hot pokers and the beginning of an ascending pitchy, unhinged tone.

“Is that what you want? TO RUIN CHRISTMAS, IS IT? IS IT?”