How to talk to children about cancer

Helen O’Callaghan on discussing a serious diagnosis with young people.

IN Britain, 24% of adults diagnosed with cancer are parents of under 18s.

The statistic applies here too, says Yvonne O’Meara, systemic psychotherapist and senior medical social worker at Our Lady’s Hospice and Care Services.

O’Meara’s free talk in Dublin next week is for anyone diagnosed with cancer and looking for support in communicating with the young people in their life.

“Parents really struggle to know how best to talk to children about illness, particularly cancer,” she says.

Parents naturally want to protect their child so they might opt not to tell children difficult news. O’Meara always invites parents dealing with cancer to reframe ‘protection’.

“Protecting your child from diagnosis to treatment to potential relapse and end of life is about communicating openly with your child. If you don’t, you leave him/her open, exposed and vulnerable.”

Faced with parental cancer, children want to know they didn’t cause the cancer, it isn’t contagious, they themselves won’t die from it and their routine will remain as normal as possible, says O’Meara.

For babies/toddlers, routine’s vital.

“If a parent is unwell, find someone who knows baby/toddler well, who can continue to provide their emotional/physical needs.”

With three to five-year-olds, explain cancer in simple terms, using doll/stuffed toy: ‘Cancer is like weeds in the garden. You can remove them (surgery) or you can use a weed-killer (chemo/radiotherapy)’. This analogy is good for older kids too.

“End the conversation on a positive: ‘Daddy’s going to hospital today but Grandma will collect you from school’.”

Six to 12-year-olds may have a more emotional response and will require more complex explanation.

O’Meara advises checking first their understanding of cancer. Explain: ‘Cancer’s a collection of bad cells in the body. We don’t always know why it happens.’ Tell them what part of the body’s affected.

O’Meara urges parents to reassure kids not everybody dies from cancer.

“Highlight somebody with it who lived. Children tend to see things in black and white. It’s important to find the balance.”

* ‘Talking to Children about Cancer’, ARC Cancer Support Centre, Eccles Street, Dublin, Wednesday, May 24 (11am).

To register, phone [phone]; email [e-mail]

Visit www.arccancersupport.ie

First steps

* Inform child’s school and community (neighbours) about your cancer.

* Cancer can control many aspects of a parent’s life. Telling your child about it — and how you do it — is one aspect over which parent has control.

* Protect child by creating space for open communication.

* Reassure child their routine will continue.

* Irish Cancer Society has a helpful booklet on telling children about cancer.

Visit www.cancer.ie