A guide to hosting the modern day dinner party

Cooking for friends this weekend? As we settle in to 2017, Ciara McDonnell brings us the do’s and don’ts of the modern day dinner party.

My childhood is littered with memories of elaborate dinner parties thrown by my parents.

Great believers in child labour, my siblings and I were put to work in the kitchen, crushing garlic, soaking boudoir biscuits in coffee and brandy and shining the proper silver cutlery in anticipation of the evening ahead.

My job was always to make the cocktail sauce for the prawn cocktail; a task I approached with militant precision. As night fell, we were shooed upstairs as fragrant high-heeled guests trampled into our good room for wine and raucous laughter.

The next morning, we children would gather around the dining room table, taking bites out of chocolate truffles left untouched beside empty brandy glasses, and scooping globs of tiramisu from a crystal bowl with our fingers.

The dinner party years taught me about good manners and the importance of saving recipes torn from newspapers and magazines. They taught me about the importance of perfecting one excellent starter, main and dessert so that I would always be ready and able to throw an impromtu celebration, should the need arise.

Crucially, they taught me about glamour, and ritual and the elegance of gleaming silverware and shiny glasses. Dinner parties, in all their guises, contributed to my concept of dining with friends; and yet I am part of the generation who is threatening to drop the tradition altogether.

Is the faded glamour of the dinner party lost forever, along with white linen table-cloths? In homes that have neither a good room nor wedding china, is there a place for the simple formality of a dinner party?

To trace the source of its demise, we can’t ignore the fact that in today’s modern home the dining room has no place. Instead, we favour kitchen-living rooms, communal and informal – just like the modern day dinner party.

The dinner party, which experienced something of a mini resurgence five years ago courtesy of Come Dine With Me, is now more of a ‘kitchen supper’.We share platters, source in season, natural produce, the more obscure the better.

According to food writer and stylist Sharon Hearne Smith, who has written a book devoted (quite geniusly) entirely to delicious sweet treats that require little or no cooking, the dinner party will always be an important part of socialising — even when it’s not called a dinner party.

“Dinner parties are for everyone,” she attests. “From students on a limited budget to lavishly themed and catered for events, dinner parties are really all about bringing people together to share food and stories.”

Agony aunt and etiquette expert Tina Koumarianos agrees. “The idea of a dinner party evokes visions of lofty ceilings, candelabra and evening dresses, but in this day and age most people, having incorporated their dining room into their kitchen to give a larger more useful space, prefer to have a more laid back approach to dining, even when calling it ‘a dinner party’.

“After all, when you are in great company, the food is almost secondary and it gives the host the chance to be part of the whole proceeding.”

The key with entertaining today is understanding your audience. Food writer Sophie White says that her whole concept of a dinner party has changed since having children.

“Now that I’m a parent I’ve masterminded a new style of dinner party, the brunch party — this is a good way to facilitate new parents boozing and socialising,” she laughs.

“The key is to get the cocktails in early, get sauced during the afternoon nap (if your spawn is under 3 years and still napping) and aim to be hungover in time for your child’s bedtime.”

Speaking of alcohol, how important is your choice of tipple when throwing the new era dinner party?

“For me, the selection and choices of alcohol can make or break a dinner party menu,” says Sharon Hearne Smith. “I think it’s really important to consider what drinks will be served with the meal and even with each course depending on the occasion.

There’s nothing as nice as when a great wine, beer, cider, sherry or even cocktail enhances the food flavours. Having said that, alcohol shouldn’t be crucial to anyone’s enjoyment of an occasion of course (especially when I’m pregnant or breastfeeding!) and successful dinner parties have been known to occur without it!”

Today’s dinner party menus are far more relaxed affairs. Where the soirées of the past almost always included at least three courses, followed by cheese and After Eights, today’s dinner party might start with a platter of cured meats and move into a comforting fish pie. Sharon Hearne Smith says that the most successful hosts will consider their guests when planning a menu.

“While I wouldn’t necessarily come up with a different menu for everyone, I will choose dishes that will appeal to all. Of course, I would look at what’s in season, the time of year and even the time of day or occasion also.

“Not forgetting how to make life as easy as possible for myself in choosing a menu that involves as little work as possible, particularly the last-minute cooking.”

Spending the entire dinner party in the kitchen is the worst mistake a host can make, she cautions.

“I would find nothing worse than being stuck in the kitchen, under pressure cooking while guests are relaxing having pre-dinner drinks and chats.”

Considering how to serve the dishes is key to an effortless meal, she explains. “Rather than having to plate everything up individually in the kitchen, I love to serve pots, platters and bowlfuls of food to the table for everyone to pass around and help themselves.

“For example, my blackberry galette looks more delicious when whole than when sliced up, so I like to pop that in the centre of the table with a knife for people to cut as they please.”

Good food may be key, but without atmosphere, a dinner party can be an extremely painful experience. “For me, dinner parties are all about indulgence and heated debates.

“I create a fabulous atmosphere by having fun myself. I hate it when a host is uptight. My man and I tag team the hosting so only one of us is in the kitchen at a time; our kitchen is tiny so it only really accommodates one at a time.”

White says that choosing the right guests is key, but mainly, to invite people who you actually enjoy spending time with.

“I can’t say I do too much agonising about pairing people with the ‘right’ company, this is probably because all my friends are pretty rowdy and they seem to play well with others so I’d never be too worried about getting the mix right.”

Tina Koumarianos believes that the right guest list can make or break a party. “Don’t invite a pack of divas to your dinner table — it can make for a lot of bitchiness as the evening progresses and the bottles stack up.

“Try to choose guests that have common interests. Don’t put the middle-aged single high-flying business woman next to the stay-at-home mother of five — it may be great for initial chit chat but they probably don’t really have enough in common to keep the conversation going through five courses. Don’t put your good looking girlfriend next to the gamey husband of your other friend — always a cause for indigestion all round.”

In order to achieve true success in today’s dinner partying world, Sharon Hearne Smith believes in a spot of organised activity.

“Giving a dinner party a theme can be fun, and sometimes makes it easier to choose your menu and room decorations,” she says.

“I like to personalise everyone’s place with something quirky, like a little thought for the day that would suit them — it’s a great conversation piece that is sure to get guests buzzing.

“Jokes at each setting are fun too.”

Parlour games, she says, can bring a party to life. “Everyone enjoys bringing out their inner child once they are relaxed and fed, so games are a great way to really kick the party into another level of fun...

“Cranking up the music and getting a disco ball spinning will have a similar effect!”

Whether your casual kitchen dinners turn into wild, all-singing and all-dancing events or end up with guests sharing secrets while smearing gooey Brie all over their faces, the pleasure of dining with friends will never grow old.

We may favour wooden boards with artfully strewn charcuterie and microherbs over balloon glasses filled with prawns and marie rose sauce, but the sentiment is the same.

Sharon Hearne Smith says the ultimate ingredient in a successful dinner party is a generous host.

“A great host knows how to create a warm, relaxed and fun atmosphere and ensure that their guests feel well looked after. Everything after that is simply icing on the cake.”