Maybe it is something in the water, but Irish fathers are mostly a soft predictable bunch that don’t often like to make decisions and fear teenagers more than death.
With Father’s Day coming up on Sunday June 19, now is as good a time as ever to have a think about their random notions and if you have a dad like mine, these few phrases will sound very familiar.
A question that is always asked in an awkward, embarrassed manner, as if they don’t want to be caught calling you poor.
As a kid you went to town and took full advantage and as you get older you still appreciate the sentiment.
But no matter what age you are, they still ask, because they don’t want you to be stuck.
The big softie.
Usually the more relaxed parent, dads tend to pass things on to their other half.
There are a number of reasons for this: they don’t want to be the one to say no, they are not sure if your mother would approve or they simply couldn’t be arsed dealing with it.
Whatever the reason, it probably means you are getting a no from your ma.
Sometimes life is hard.
A wise man once said to me, 'Go ask your mother.'— Fantasy Author (@BrianRathbone) June 15, 2016
In our experience, this is a warning shot that you are starting to push it and if you keep going the way you are going, things are going to get progressively worse.
Not being able to simply say: ’you are pushing it’, they teach over a pro-longed trial and error period that this means you are heading for trouble.
If only they were more direct, or we paid more attention.
This is a no. A very definite no.
In our experience over my dead body means abort your plan and get your father a cup of tea, because his stress levels are hitting dangerous levels.
Me: I want to work— mallu papi (@shyxmm) June 15, 2016
Dad: over my dead body
Me: I need extra money
Despite always offering to empty their pockets for you, dads are not stupid and do eventually recognise when they are being absolutely rinsed.
When you hear this, you know the gravy boat is about to pull in to port for a bit and money could be low for an uncertain period of time that could stretch to several hours.
Sure they have it all forgotten by tea-time.
*turns on one light in the house*— AnnaMarie Ringer (@aringadinger) April 6, 2016
dad: DO YOU THINK I AM MADE OF MONEY
In from our younger years, this is the kind of thing that would be rolled out before discos, parties and even trips to town on the bus.
But the beauty of it was they would never ask you to change, just point it out for your ma to step in - so if she wasn’t there you were home free!
Although in hindsight, you probably should have changed your outfit.
Even now, we will still hear this one from time to time as your dad struggles with the changing face of fashion from flares to ribbons, silks and satins, they never will figure it out.
Sure just look at what they are wearing, they haven’t a hope.
A fathers love of a good shed is one that burns deep and should be respected. A trip to the shed is a time for solitude and it is best not to bother him here unless there is an emergency -a real emergency.
From painting in the summer to making a cup of tea, there is always just something small that your father has for you to do.
And because he always asks you to do it as a favour, you need an awful good reason to say no.
Dads seem, for the most part, to be simple creatures and to them, taking a drive in the car is considered a holiday.
Driving the countryside looking over ditches and hedges for hours on end before returning home satisfied and fulfilled is a strange phenomenon that we have accepted as an oddity of the Irish dad.
Spending prolonged periods of time cramped in a hot metal car with your siblings, squabbling over who farted and leg space, is something most Irish children can relate to -but at least we always stopped at a pub on the way back and got a slap-up meal.