Barnardos new guide charts children's development stages

A three-year-old child will join briefly in play with other children, whereas a five-year-old will want to please their friends and comfort those who are upset. 

A two-year-old will defend their own possessions, while a four-year-old will share their toys.

These are what you can expect from children at different ages up to six, as published in a new parenting guide by Barnardos.

The free publication, Your Young Child’s Behaviour, How You Can Help, gives parents better understanding of their child’s behaviour, as well as ideas to support their child in developing and managing their own behaviour.

The guide covers: a year-by-year breakdown of behaviours parents can expect in children aged six months to five years; the effects of environment on child; pointers on what the child is trying to communicate; emotional and social development; how to respond to challenging behaviour; how your behaviour impacts your child; and how to help child manage their behaviour.

Barnardos project leader, Jenna Russell, says parents are the first, best, and most important teachers the child will ever have.

But parents can often expect too much of their child for its stage of development.

“Parents need to understand that children can’t find solutions to problems or conflicts, until they’re about four. Younger than that and the adult needs to support their learning.

"They might say ‘I can see you’re frustrated and that’s okay, but we need to think of a solution. I’ll just hold the toy until we find a solution that works’.

"The parent can then give ideas: ‘we’re going to have to take turns — let’s see how we can do that’.

Russell says parents are the child’s number-one role model.

“If you can’t control your own temper, your child won’t be able to learn to control theirs.

"It’s not that parents have to be perfect, but they set the tone for what’s expected by how they act — ‘we don’t hit in our family’.”

Parents should set expectations, by using ‘when/then’ statements.

Beginning a statement with ‘when’ implies the child will cooperate: ‘when you clean up your toys, then we go outside’.

Parents should nip difficult behaviours in the bud.

“When things get really overheated, it’s too late.”

She advises using ‘I’ statements: ‘I’m really worried when you get that cross. I’m afraid your friend is going to get hurt’.

Download the parenting guide at http://shop.barnardos.ie. A guide for early-years educators is available for €25 at www.barnardos.ie

TOP TIPS

* Teach children to say how they’re feeling rather than acting it out — ‘use your words’.

* Let child know why you’re concerned about certain behaviours and what aspects you’d like them to change.

* Give realistic choices and ensure these are followed through — ‘football or chasing, which would you like to do?’ This gives child some control, making it less likely they’ll test limits.

* Spend time with child doing activities they’ve chosen themselves.