I don’t stand a ghost of a chance

I’ve been dumped. Or at least I think so. I never received official confirmation. It wasn’t until a friend queried the progress of the new man in my life that I realised he’d fallen off the face of the earth.

He was a nice enough chap. I thought perhaps I’d caused some unintended textual offence and was resigning myself to play nicer.

A friend joked, that it was highly probable he’d fallen into the cave many of the men she has dated have found themselves trapped in.

Unable to find their way out of the labyrinthine man hole. A place where there is no mobile phone coverage or internet connection. I had, apparently, been “ghosted”.

What is “ghosting”?

Well, it’s not just the dating game that has changed — the dumping one wants in in the action too. People are no longer just swiping left in the virtual world, it’s happening in the real world too.

We -— the dumpees — are no longer afforded the luxury of the “it’s not you it’s me” call or text. Now the simple offering of dead air or radio silence is all you get. Cue the love dust ball.

A key feature of ghosting is the lack of warning. There are no symptoms of unrest that rear their head prior to the vanishing. They just depart. No warning. No excuse. No manners.

It should be noted that ghosting and breaking up are two entirely different things. You really should only expect a ghosting if you’re dating the said person for a few weeks. There will be no major emotional connection/commitment. This makes it easier for your beau or belle to go paranormal. But does it make it easier for you?

What’s the problem?

I normally love a good horror movie. A good fright is a great laugh. The difference between the new horror genre of the romantic world and a horror flick is closure. For those of us unfortunate enough to be ghosted, it’s the lack of closure that’s the killer. A traditional dumping is a far more considerate way of cutting ties — no matter how little you think of the person. With a good aul “it’s not you it’s me“ text the person on the receiving end will get the message — and a lot quicker than if you just vanish. It may hurt a little initially, but at least you have the opportunity to get mad or sad or both and then just move on. Done.

But with a ghosting you can be left imagining all sorts of scenarios to explain their unexplained departure. The man cave with no coverage seems to be the preferred choice.

Your rational self knows it’s more than likely that other reliable dating nugget of “he’s just not that into you”. But why not just say so?

Why not just say so?

The act giving someone the romantic road is not something anyone looks forward to with great zeal. But it’s the right thing to do. It may seem easier to play Houdini, but if you take the time to send the dumping text, you will feel better too. Social media also offers an easy platform to cut the ties without having to look your victim in the eye. So next time — why not just give it a try?

The haunting

So how to deal with a ghosting? Should you haunt them? Demand an explanation? You may be entitled to seek clarification but that doesn’t mean you will get it. So feel free, if you must, but be it at your peril. There are three possible outcomes to your request. A. An apology with an explanation. B. An expletive. C. More dead air.

So if you are dead set on calling the bluff of your romantic Houdini be prepared for B and C.

You are probably best to just leave them where you imagined them — on that slow boat to China — without the mosquito repellent.