Getting to know your child's friend's parents is important

PERHAPS work commitments rarely allow you to drop off or collect your child at school. 

Or maybe you find social encounters with other parents tricky so you just drop your child and run.

It’s important to get to know your child’s friends’ parents, says Dublin-based psychologist Niamh Hannan ( www.mindworks.ie ). She says heartache with friends will bring your child home in tears, rather than bloody knees.

“It’s vital to foster your child’s social and emotional growth because it’s our relationships that matter most. If parents are able to collect or drop off even once or twice a week, that can be enough to establish friendly face recognition [with other parents].”

As well as being a presence at the school gate you can opt to volunteer on school trips/walks.

“At very young ages, children love having their parent along on that trip to the fire station.”

Perhaps there’s an option for parents to get involved in helping their young children with reading during the first five minutes of the school day? Participating in something like this, says Hannan, gives parents a bird’s eye view in the classroom — you get a glimpse into your child’s world.

It also affords an opportunity to see your child in another context. “It’s important to get to know the other sides of your child when he’s out and about.”

Hannan advises accepting any school invitation to include your name and phone number on a class parents’ contact list. It helps with practicalities of arranging birthday parties and play-dates.

And if your child isn’t the tell-all type or has difficulty relating his feelings, it can be helpful to have a connection with other parents.

“If your child suddenly arrives home tearful because he’s having difficulties with a child who was a friend, this might be an opportunity to find out from the other parent what’s going on.

"You can have the conversation in a constructive, carefully-managed way — ‘I’m interested to know what’s going on’. You might need to get the bigger picture from the other parent because your child can’t tell you.”

Connecting with other parents gives you a sounding board when it comes to difficulties your child may be having with school-work — ‘do you mind me asking? How is Anna getting on with maths — I’m wondering if Amy’s the only one struggling?’

Making an effort to get to know our children’s friends’ parents conveys the message to the child: ‘your friendships are important — they matter to me’.

TOP TIPS

* Model sociability and openness to friendship — let your child see you talking to other parents.

* Be friendly towards parents whose child isn’t a particular friend of your child.

* Get to know other parents by volunteering in the school or by car-pooling.

* If your child is going on a play date, agree rules with other parents — e.g. about screen-time, where it’s OK to play, and so on.