The Telegraph in Australia has picked up the story. Viral site Uproxx doubts the journalistic integrity of the piece at Closer. Cosmopolitan has gone on a mission to find 'Emma McCabe' to get a grip on the mechanics of how this actually.
"I love the feeling of skin-on-bark contact, which gives me a more pleasurable pain sensation, and the feel of his leaves against my skin makes me tingle," Emma told the magazine.
"I look at other trees, but don't touch - I wouldn't cheat on Tim. I'd like to get married, but it would be a low-key ceremony with family."
Now, you might be tempted to cry foul, and say - this can'tbe printed. It's a clever piece of Photoshop.
But no! While the article itself may not be available online, the promo piece for the most recent issue of Closer magazine clearly lays out its existence.
"Meet loved-up Emma McCabe, 31, who's given up on men and enjoying steamy sex sessions with a poplar tree called Tim!" the site gleefully declares.
It's important to say, of course, that dendrophilia exists - it's a variant of the sexual attraction to inanimate objects. It's a real thing.
And why not? After all, Tim's a poplar guy. Tall, dark, and in touch with his roots.