When it’s right time to let go of your toddler

Helen O’Callaghan reports on sending a child to pre-school.

WONDERING if your young child’s ready to go to pre-school but not sure?

“You’re looking for a particular window when your child’s ready to leave – send him too late and he may have become too clingy,” says Clare Healy Walls, leader of Waterpark Montessori International.

She believes parents often project their own fears of separation onto their child. “It’s quite difficult for a mum to tell the difference between her feelings and those of her child. What’s required is careful observation for the emotional and intellectual signs that he’s ready.”

According to Healy Walls, children as young as two years and nine months can be ready for a pre-school setting. (The ECCE free pre-school year accepts children aged between three years and three months and four years and seven months – depending on when your child’s birthday falls, he may have an option of starting at age three or four).

Signs your child is emotionally ready include his willingness to separate from you. When you’re visiting a friend, he’s content to go and play in a different room.

“Another indication is that he’s happy to stay with someone he knows for a few hours while Mum goes shopping.”

A key intellectual cue signalling readiness for pre-school is when the brain starts working in new ways.

“He starts showing signs that he needs order in his mental life – he’ll tidy up knives and forks in the kitchen drawer, put things into special boxes, pair, match and line things up. He may quickly finish his games and puzzles and be bored – boredom is a classic sign that he needs more stimulation and company.”Another good sign is that the child wants to dress himself.

When making a decision as to whether your child is ready for pre-school, it’s important not to confuse shyness with emotional immaturity. The two are very different, says Healy Walls. “A child may be shy and slow to talk to people but he’s confident when he does talk.”

When children begin pre-school later than would have suited them, they can be more reluctant to leave their parents and slower to settle. In this situation, Healy Walls counsels against staying with the child more than 30-40 minutes.

“If he’s very upset, take him home for the day, rather than the parent staying in the school. With the pre-school leader’s cooperation, say, ‘I’m going out for 10 minutes and then I’ll be back’. Do this and then extend it to an hour. It’s like the parent’s saying ‘I have my work to do and you have yours but I will be back.”

TOP TIPS

* Observe child to find window of opportunity.

* Prepare child but avoid over-talking pre-school. Getting him too hyped up may cause anxiety.

* Never ask: ‘Will you miss me?’

* Avoid staying too long with him at start. He mustn’t think you’re part of the environment.