Go Get Him: A guy and a girl put a new dating advice book to the test

Sick of landing losers on nights out? Desperate to find a halfway decent guy? Dating expert Avril Mulcahy has published a book of advice for women but Claire Droney and Darren Norris have wildly different views on her approach

CLAIRE: This is just common sense

I HAD to stifle a fair few snorts of laughter while reading this on the early morning rush hour Tube last week.

Despite segueing into pop psychology at times, with an over-emphasis on the ‘inner goddess’, much of Avril Mulcahy’s advice is practical.

With her SWOT analysis (where you score a man based on his strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats), and ‘Bad Dating Habits’ and other worksheets, she encourages women to think about dating in a very strategic way.

Go Get Him is basically a version of what every Irish mother tells her single, 30-something-year-old daughter to do at some stage.

Which is ‘Join Hillwalking’ or, as Mulcahy puts it, increase your Opportunities to Meet Men (OTM’s) as much as possible.

So whether it’s online dating; asking your friends to introduce you to single men; going to pubs, clubs or bars or hobbies; she advises women (in an often humorous way) to be primed and ready to go.

‘I’m always struck by the number of people who expect to meet someone by sitting at home. Who do they think is going to drop by? The pizza delivery man?’

With a sense of urgency (she uses words like ‘tick tock, limited time, stop everything now’), Mulcahy also encourages readers to chart past relationships and look for negative dating patterns.

And as a woman with a previous and unfortunate predilection for bad boys and messers who make me laugh, Mulcahy’s words rang true: ‘Only go out on a third date with guys who prioritise you, accept you, and are consistent with you’.

Her points about chemistry are very valid too.

Insisting it’s not all about looks, she questions women who drop men because of lack of ‘spark’, asking them instead whether they did anything to help create it.

She also prioritises traits like kindness and a desire to have children over physical attraction.

However, some parts of the book rankle slightly.

Especially where Mulcahy advises women not to overshare their opinions with a suitor and to simply listen to him talk instead, and to veer away from the alpha female persona in favour of saying ‘I need your help’ once in a while.

She places a premium on creating intrigue (which sounds exhausting) and gives old-fashioned tips on how to hook the ‘target’, a la Marilyn Monroe.

These include embracing one’s inner diva; making lingering eye contact; smiling at him and flashing some cleavage.

She also urges peppering a conversation with suggestive words.

‘I can see devilment in your eyes…this could be wild!’ she recommends saying to a random stranger in a bar. Or ‘This cocktail is so good, it’s making me tingle all over’ to the barman.

I gave it a go. ‘I hope you don’t have a HARD week, and that your tube RIDE goes SMOOTHLY tomorrow,’ I texted my current beau of six dates.

‘I’m not convinced that’s a helpful book,’ he replied, almost immediately.

Ultimately, Go Get Him is a useful 232-page reminder to ‘Quit Slacking and Make Things Happen’.

However, as a long term strategy, it would be overwhelming to think about dating and relationships this intensely.

Do it in 6-week rotations, and then give yourself a break.

DARREN: Lads could never do this

THIS assignment came with advice. “Give the reader the guy view, whether you think it would work on men or whether it’s nonsense,” my editor said.

Thus I found myself reading — discreetly — Go Get Him!, by matchmaker and dating expert, Avril Mulcahy. The book provides a road-map for ladies to snare not just a regular man, but a special man.

“I am here to tell you the equation 1 Male + I Female = Happiness is complete and utter bullshit,” Mulcahy writes. “Nobody else can make you happy — only you can.”

These two sentences set the tone. Mulcahy doesn’t sugar-coat and her directness is one of her book’s strengths.

However, those sentences also represent the first of many occasions when Mulcahy states the blatantly obvious.

Do ladies need to read a book to realise that responsibility for their happiness lies primarily with themselves?

Or that they might, as Mulcahy writes, “be the biggest factor” in their own dating downfall?

Or that “the man you want isn’t waiting outside your door?”

Or that talking about marriage on a first date is a bad idea?

For single ladies who lack in confidence, Mulcahy offers a mantra. She recalls a trip to India in search of the secret of attraction; she went on a 10-day silent-meditation retreat.

On the 10th day, her guru suddenly broke the silence and revealed the big secret. “Do you want to know what it is?”

Mulcahy teases, before adding: “You must remember that this mantra, once used, will instantly transform you. Are you okay with this?”

Given the build-up, I was hoping that this mantra applied equally to guys. Perhaps I would suddenly be irresistible to women.

Acute disappointment followed.

The advice is to look in the mirror and say, shout even: ‘I am a fecking ride!’ Ladies should, Mulcahy says, repeat this until they believe it.

My guy view on this is that Mulcahy’s suggestion is NOT the type of exercise ladies should attempt — at least out loud — when on a date or indeed in any public situation.

The most eye-catching chapter in the book is ‘Playing The Field’. It starts with a bang.

“There are lots of good reasons to date several different men at once, when you’re beginning a new dating plan,” Mulcahy writes.

“If you feel alarmed by the thought of dating more than one man at once, the first question you should ask yourself is, ‘Why?’ You aren’t committed to anyone. There is nothing wrong with exploring your options.”

No man on this planet would get away with the “exploring my options” defence.

Hell, few would be crazy or brave enough to even attempt it, unless in search of a return ticket to Singlesville.

To be fair, Mulcahy makes a case, of sorts, for her Multi-Level Dating (MLD) suggestion, writing: “There are loads of single guys out there. However, there aren’t loads of great guys out there, or guys who are meeting your needs.”

There’s logic to this, but imagine, for a moment, response a guy would get if he told a date that the reason he’s also seeing four other women is because he needs to explore his options or have his needs met.

It would not go down well.

One of the benefits of MLD, Mulcahy later adds, is that the challenge of winning the girl “makes him want you more”.

Call me cynical or old-fashioned, but I’m dubious about that.

On the plus side, ‘The Flirtation Formula’ chapter is pretty good, as Mulcahy offers advice that would get the attention of any red-blooded man.

Citing the power of eye contact, the following suggestion for a bar scenario stood out.

“I want you to look him in the eyes and imagine that you can give him the best damn blowjob he’s ever had,” Mulcahy advises.

“Imagine that you can take this man and bring him to his knees instantly. Look at him as you’re picturing that and let your eyes say it all.

“What will happen now is that you will begin to smile and maybe even blush, but your eyes will remain primal — and he’s going to look at you and he’s going to feel that.

“ He’s going to wonder what you’re thinking, and he’ll be dying to find out.”

Now that’s how you get a guy’s attention.

AVRIL’S TIPS ON HOW TO GET YOUR MAN

Avril Mulcahy's advice on how to 'Go Get Him': 

- Peel yourself off the couch and sign up for online dating.

- Make an effort to create Opportunities to Meet Men (OTM’s) every week. These can include networking with friends of friends or hitting the pubs post match, knowing who won and a bit about the rules of the game.

- It’s not all about looks and instant chemistry.

- Men are highly visual creatures. Lose that 5lbs, see a personal stylist or get those teeth whitened. Interestingly, men are more excited about your hips-to-waist ratio than any other part of your body.

- Future pace your dating life. For example, if you stick to your current dating habits, what will your life look like in one, five and 10 years and how does that make you feel?

- Don’t go back to a man’s house for the first few weeks. If a guy asks you back for tea, it doesn’t mean tea. Usually he doesn’t even have milk.