Hundreds of Irish students seeking a sweet deal with sugar daddies

Forget student loans — hundreds of Irish college students are signing up for sugar daddy dating. Helen O’Callaghan reports.

FORGET student loans and part-time jobs. Hundreds of cash-strapped Irish college students signed up last year for sugar daddy dating.

This is according to the world’s largest sugar daddy website, Seekingarrangement.com, which sets up, what it says are “mutually beneficial relationships where two people give as much as they take and terms of the relationship are agreed up-front”.

Last year saw a 17% surge in Irish-based university sugar babies, says Angela Jacob Bermudo, EU and UK spokesperson for the website.

The dictionary defines sugar daddy as ‘rich, usually middle-aged or old man, who bestows expensive gifts on young person in return for companionship or sexual favours’.

Ms Jacob Bermudo says sugar babies are “goal-oriented individuals, who know what they want out of life” and who seek a generous, successful someone to give them that.

The website’s list of ‘Top 20 Fastest Growing Sugar Baby Schools’ shows almost 700 new sign-ups among students here last year. UL topped the list at 93, followed by DIT (81) and UCD (79). UCC ranked in sixth place with 65.

The ‘sugar’ scene is flourishing here, says Ms Jacob Bermudo. The site started in 2006 in San Francisco. Irish membership numbers 6,100 sugar daddies and 15,000 sugar babies. In the first months of 2014, 1,000 new Irish sugar daddies signed up.

The average sugar daddy here is aged 41 and earns an annual income of €240,436. About one-third are married. Dublin is the top city for sugar daddies and babies, while Cork is also in the top three for both.

While 42% of sugar babies are students, others are professionals or single mums. Few are married.

“The average sugar baby is 27 – they range in age from 18 to the 30s. We have a few outliers in their 40s or 50s. I’ve seen 20-year age gaps between sugar daddy and baby.”

The website has over three million members globally and she says, “The sugar community existed before we began. These relationships aren’t new. They’re more like traditional relationships you saw back in the day, when men had more social pressure to provide for women.”

She sees ‘sugar’ dating as “honest” with both parties saying ‘this is exactly what I want from this relationship and this is what I don’t want’.

Ms Jacob Bermudo says traditional student options for getting money aren’t “exactly ideal” — loans exact interest while part-time jobs distract from studies. With a sugar daddy, you stand to make much more. “On average, Irish sugar babies receive €6,200 in monthly allowance and gifts.”

One Midwest-based student, who had an arrangement with a Dublin sugar daddy, says: “He’d have me come over for weekends. We’d do shopping and dine at nice restaurants. I didn’t want to waste my time working in retail or in service – no offence to anyone who does. I wanted to be associated with a higher class and learn how to be part of that. I received about €500 every week. He paid for my flat. Nothing extravagant – shoes, clothes, things I needed for school.”

According to Ms Jacob Bermudo, sugar daddies like to mentor sugar babies. “They want to help out beyond the finances. They want to shape the girl’s future, help her gain experience for the professional world.”

Sugar daddies are busy men who haven’t time for a conventional relationship, she explains. “With a sugar baby, the man can be transparent about how much he’s able to contribute to the relationship – ‘I only have time for this at weekends’. Because it’s mutually beneficial, the sugar baby’s more likely to say yes.”

Websites such as this have been slammed as playgrounds for ageing adulterers and debates have raged about whether they’re part of the sex industry.

Ms Jacob Bermudo is keen to emphasise there’s no requirement for a sugar baby to have sex. “You don’t go into it saying ‘sex has to be part of this’. If the men were only after intimacy, they could just purchase it. Why spend thousands of euros when it’s not even promised? A lot of people want to paint it as some sort of dark, seedy, back-alley arrangement where one benefits more than the other.”

Are sugar babies extremely savvy business women? Ms Jacob Bermudo says no. “They’re goal-oriented young women who see value in dating a partner who can further their lifestyle.”

Deirdre*, a Dublin-based 27-year-old, had three sugar daddies over the space of two-and-a-half years while a student in her early 20s. Sex featured in all three arrangements. “It was never discussed as a commodity, as in ‘you do this for me and I’ll give you that’. It developed naturally,” she told Irish Examiner.

Her longest arrangement lasted six months. “I’d come out of a long-term relationship where I was always the one looking after the other person. That was quite trying. I decided a lot of boys my age couldn’t give me what I was interested in — an element of feeling looked after. That led me to look for an older guy. I started using Seekingarrangement.

“We went for a drink one weekend. He was 52, very pleasant, a complete workaholic. He had his own company, was very successful. He hadn’t chosen to get married. He wanted someone to go on holidays with, on social engagements, to dinner.

“Back then I was in a very unstable financial situation. He bought me a brand new spanking top-of-the-range laptop. I had a situation where I needed to pay a solicitor — he paid for it.

“I saw him once or twice a week. Affection was what I mostly felt for him. I was definitely attracted – he had a certain style. Sex was part of our relationship but there was never a transaction, an exchange of money for sex. An older man can give a young woman a feeling of security. She provides him with an ego boost — youth brings vitality and fun.”

While researching his recently-aired documentary on BBC World Service — Money, Bling and the Money Thing — financial guru Alvin Hall attended a sugar daddy event in New York. “It didn’t feel sleazy and it didn’t feel glam – if felt like a slightly high-end dating service,” Mr Hall told Irish Examiner.

What fascinated him was how the women ramped up their sexual attractiveness by wearing skimpy dresses, how they dressed for success. “They came wearing Christian Louboutin shoes and you thought ‘Wow! This is marketing’.”

In contrast, the men were well-groomed but dressed for comfort. “Most came in dark suits and light-coloured shirts with top button open.” Hall saw “no ogling or pawing”.

“I got the sense everybody — men and women — knew the lay of the land before they walked in. I think everybody was on pretty even turf.”

Carole Wardlaw, student counsellor at Griffith College, believes students who engage with sugar daddies to finance college careers will feel long-term regret and anxiety about being found out.

“Like any secret, it’s going to reappear. There’ll be trigger points — maybe when they embark on a meaningful relationship. Nobody can carry such a secret without it impacting emotionally,” she said.

Deirdre doesn’t rule out another sugar daddy arrangement. She hasn’t told family or friends but smiles at the irony of her father’s advice on romance. “He says: ‘don’t waste your time on young fellows – they can’t offer you anything’. If he only knew!”

*Name changed to protect identity.