Parents return to work can be tricky for children

YOU’VE just returned to work full-time and your seven-year-old isn’t happy.

Not surprising, says parent coach Marian Byrne, who believes it can be tricky for parents going back to full-on careers when children are aged between five and 10.

Children older than 10 have more of their own life going on — friends, after-school activities — but younger kids will be out of school anytime between 1pm and 2.30pm, depending on their age.

“They’re coming out of school tired and they have to go somewhere other than home, where they can’t quite relax or chill out. They may have had a good day at school, but it can be a lot of pressure being good all day and then having to be so for longer afterwards,” says Byrne, who finds many parents identify the just-out-of-school period as the most difficult of the day.

Parents collect children from school and they’re kicking and fighting with siblings in the back of the car. “They’re tired and tetchy. They’re getting out all the frustration and energy it has taken to be good,” says Byrne.

Whether you feel forced to return to full-time work — perhaps due to financial pressure — or you’ve decided to do so for your own wellbeing will affect how your child feels about it. But you have to acknowledge it’s a change for everybody in the house and accept there will be a transitional thorny phase.

“Your child will see less of you so he’s going to miss you. It’s a routine change and some children miss the stability. You have to allow this transition, where there will be a kickback,” says Byrne, adding that children respond by either ‘acting out’ or ‘acting in’.

“They’ll either verbally tell you or their behaviour will deteriorate — anger, frustration, lashing out at you. Or a child may go quiet and withdrawn. They may get more fretful and clingy. The transition may take a week, a month or six months. Everybody has to go through this so as to accept the routine and settle into it. It takes time to adjust, for this to become the new normal.”

Byrne strongly urges giving children 15-20 minutes undivided attention once you get in the door from work.

“Children’s reserves of energy, your love and time, will have run down during the day. To feel significant again, to feel they matter, they need a top-up from you. Sit down and play with them, read together, kick a ball around.”

TIPS

* Allow yourself time to adjust to being back in work environment.

* Give children undivided attention when you get in the door in the evening.

* Allow everybody time to adjust to new routines.

* Support kids to embrace change — change is part of life.